The Gems You Find In Las Vegas...

Thank you friends for this photo!

  I'm not saying I won a ton of money, because I didn't... I won enough to get me through the 4 days of debauchery that ensued that weekend.  That in my book is wiiiiiining!

  So Vegas was a blast, and after a full week of recovery, I came back with some great material for this blog.  This is how my weekend in Sin City went...

Thursday : Arrive in Vegas, drink booze, gamble, eat, drink more booze, sleep
Friday: Wake up and drink bloody mary, gamble, drink, eat, drink, Peepshow, gamble, drink, sleep
Saturday: Bloody Mary Round 2, gamble, eat, drink, drink, gamble, dance at club, lose phone, pass out
Sunday: Eat, drink, gamble, drink, drink, eat, gamble, sleep, gamble, drink, eat
Monday: 2am leave a lot of money behind but take all calories consumed home with me!!!


  There's a lot that happened that weekend but i'm only going to talk about one event that is relevant to this blog... What happens in Vegas, sometimes comes home with you to make your ass grow and your dignity shrink....

  On Saturday, my friend Ali (Vegas native) came to pick me up at my hotel so we could head out to a pool party.  We wound up at the Flamingo Hotel because it was free for girls and some local Vegas DJ would be spinning tunes there all day.  Now if you've been reading my blog you will know that i'm not that all comfortable in a bikini quite yet, but my thought of going to a party pool was 'Hey...I don't know these people, so I really don't care how white my ass may be at the moment.'  That was MY THOUGHT...in MY HEAD... but everyone at THAT POOL... heard it.

After purchasing those most overpriced cocktails in my life, Ali and I were able to snag two lounge chairs pool side after taking time for a photo op in front of some red carpet wanna be background.  The music was good, there were people every where, and the local Vegas DJ was announcing that it was time for girls who wanted to be in the Booty Shaking Contest to make their way over to the tent.  Ali and I kind of giggled and continued sipping my money turned alcohol...

I haven't seen her in a while so we did some catching up, talked about her boyfriend, job, weather in Vegas, etc.  And as convos with friends usually do, we started talking about my blog.  I asked her what it's like living in the City of Sin as a girl who's not built like a straw and who's boobs could possibly be about the size of my head.  If I remember correctly (lots of alcohol had been consumed at this point) she said that as long as you strut with confidence it's okay and the guys will still come a runnin'.   She also told me that a friend's mom once said "If you don't like it, tan it."  Vegas Gem #1! When she said that, I paused and pretty much shouted "You're soooo right!"  It always seems to me that when i'm more tan my fat looks more attractive! DUH!  And then my immediate thought was 'so if I get really tan I don't have to work out as much'... like I said... I wasn't thinking clearly at this point due to the $20 souvenir cup o' booze in my hand.

  Then we coined the phrase MORNING SKINNINESS.  Definition: When you wake up in the morning feeling all thin and pretty, you dress in clothes that normally might fit you snuggly.  About 5pm when you get home from work you look at yourself in the mirror and say 'What the hell was I thinking!' ...as you pinch your love handles for fat effect.  We laughed about this, all the while saying that we wish we could stay that thin all day.  Vegas Gem #2!

See my $20 souvenir cup?

  This is when things took an unexpected turn... While so engrossed in our drunken convo I failed to see the local DJ making his rounds asking women to enter the contest.  Next thing I know he's right in front of us.  (Thank god I was laying on my stomach, tanning my back side)  He stops, looks down at us, and says into his mircrophone "Are you ladies going to enter the contest?"  I, not seeing that he had lowered the microphone closer to my big fat mouth, say "Who the hell would want to see my fat white ass shaking around?!"  This is when I heard the echo telling me that this exchange was not just heard by the three of us, but the whole party pool!!!  And to make matters worse the whole party was facing my big white backside...  Great.... juuuuuust great.  To save face, I smiled and took another sip of my Lynchberg Lemonade, (all the while Ali is trying to stifle her laughter), and told him "No thank you."

  Once he walked away laughing and shaking his head, I thanked god that I had indeed done some stiletto workouts before vegas so my legs and butt were looking a little bit trimmer.  I also took his asking as a compliment, since there were a ton of girls there he could have talked to.

In the bushes watching the contest.

Ali and I headed over to the contest shortly after that, just to make sure that we had made the right decision.  We had, thank the heavens, because most of those girls were tall, tan, thin, and pretty (minus the one Canadian girl who probably had enough money to buy 5 of those overpriced souvenir cups) But who am I to judge?  At least she had to cajones to enter the damn the thing! Viva Las Vegas, right?!

After we had had our fill of entertainment and a good laugh at my misfortune, we took our leave, and headed out of party pool area.


Lessons Learned:  #1 - If you don't like it, tan it. #2 - Just because it fits you in the morning doesn't mean it'll fit you that evening. #3 - And always make sure there isn't a microphone by your face when you say something about your big white ass.

  Vegas was great!... but I will not see the City Of Sin again until I get my bikini body and dignity back.  Thank you Ali, for giving me some great material to use, and for not laughing at me to hard. :-)

            




              
        

To Dress Size Up Or Size Down

Still preparing for my Vegas trip here...

   I'll admit that sometimes I spend more money BEFORE my vacation than ON my vacation.  It never fails that my wardrobe is always missing some key items that I just HAVE TO run out and buy (ie, torturous heels, skanky dress, big blingy necklace, etc)  This time it was all of the above, so I headed out to the mall as quickly as my car would take me to find these missing pieces.
  
   Now if anyone is like me, I sometimes dread going into the mall or clothing store with nothing really in mind of what i'm looking for.  Most of the time I hit the dressing room with about 20 different items and return all of them with a big ol' frown on my face because none of them looked fantastic on me.  Then the journey continues to about 5 different stores before I finally give up and head home with my head hung low and my confidence a little worse for the wear. This time I was afraid that it was going to be no exception, so you can believe my surprise when I found the perfect dress at the first stop!

   Yesterday I headed back to the store that I bought my awesome 70's roller disco outfit at in hopes that they would have a Vegas worthy dress.  In about 10 minutes of grabbing just about everything I liked I headed to the torture chamber...I mean dressing room...to see how they sized up.  After tearing a few of them right off and trying not to laugh, I found this cute little strapless and short (well short for me anyways) cocktail dress.
  
   Only problem was that it was just a little too loose for my taste... and this is Vegas we're talking about, so tighter is always better.  One thing I liked about it was that is fit comfortably and I wouldn't have to worry about showing too much T and A.  The only problem is that I know I'd be doing the 'pull up' 'pull down' all night.  ( Dress starts to fall almost to the point of showing some nipple sunrise, so you pull it up.  Dress starts to ride up when you're cutting a rug on the dance floor, so you pull it down)  It's such a pain in ass...
  
   So my solution to this was to try on a size smaller.  Now this time I had to shimmy into the damn thing and not breath for about 30 seconds while I attempted to zip it up.  Once on though, it didn't look that bad.  At this moment I started running through the pros and cons of purchasing THIS size...

Pros:

- If I remember to stand up straight it'll look great
- Because I can barely breathe i'll be less likely to eat the day I have to wear it.
- It's so tight I wouldn't even have to wear a bra!
- Because it's so tight it sucks me in, so I look thinner.
- When I get rid of more weight it'll fit me great!

Cons:

- I won't be able to breathe, eat, or drink.
- If I forget to stand up straight and suck it in, i'll look like a down comforter trying to be shoved back into the original bag.
- It might severely hinder my awesome dance moves that i've been working on.
- Consequently, if said dance moves are attempted, it might just split open revealing by awesomely white ass.
- If I even gain back 5 pounds there isn't a chance in hell i'll be able to ever wear it again.

  In the end, the pros won out the cons, and I bought the smaller size.  In order to make sure it fits perfect, i'm wearing this awesome tummy and butt-sucker -inner thingy I bought a while ago (Thanks Dr. Oz).  This way I don't have to worry about standing up straight, sucking it in, or my ass being exposed at any point.

Lesson learned:  Sometimes buying the smaller size is the better option.  Just make sure it's not too small lest you look like this: