Bikini? Yes Indeedy!

Yes, I am aware that the title on this blog is cheesy.  Ask me if I care...

So where to start?  (I'm just letting you know that my cursor has been blinking at me for the last 5 minutes at this point...)

3 weeks ago I signed on to do this 90 day goal setting program, and as a coach I also have to set a goal to work on for the 90 days.  The goal, you may ask, was of course a fitness goal.  My end result to prove that i've been working on it?  To post a picture of me in a bikini here on this blog for the whole world to see!  (And there can be no photoshopping of any kind, nor spray tanned abs.)  Needless to say my butt muscles clenched a little when I said this out loud to my coaching group...  First step to getting a goal: Tell everyone  so they can hold you to it, right? Crap.

So now i'm telling everyone that happens to run across this blog too... Why?  Because I want to keep my butt muscles clenched so I actually get it done and look fab (not flab) come 3 months from now.

Now on to my regimen:  I'm going to start by downloading this awesome nutrition plan (phase 1) from LiveFitRevolution.com.  It's a 6 week nutrition plan that gets rid of a ton of weight!  I watched my mom go through this program so i've seen the results.  This is no time to mess around with fad diets.  I'm grabbing this goal by the horns and riding it all the way to the skinny and fit finish line people!  Also on this website they have videos that you can follow working with a kettlebell. Done and done!

I'm also working on posting at least 3 video blogs in the 90 days as well...  The first one is going to be a rough cut so excuse the sloppiness of it all.  Here's just a hint of what it in-tells... Drinking- How its not a good idea when you are working out.

The Gems You Find In Las Vegas...

Thank you friends for this photo!

  I'm not saying I won a ton of money, because I didn't... I won enough to get me through the 4 days of debauchery that ensued that weekend.  That in my book is wiiiiiining!

  So Vegas was a blast, and after a full week of recovery, I came back with some great material for this blog.  This is how my weekend in Sin City went...

Thursday : Arrive in Vegas, drink booze, gamble, eat, drink more booze, sleep
Friday: Wake up and drink bloody mary, gamble, drink, eat, drink, Peepshow, gamble, drink, sleep
Saturday: Bloody Mary Round 2, gamble, eat, drink, drink, gamble, dance at club, lose phone, pass out
Sunday: Eat, drink, gamble, drink, drink, eat, gamble, sleep, gamble, drink, eat
Monday: 2am leave a lot of money behind but take all calories consumed home with me!!!


  There's a lot that happened that weekend but i'm only going to talk about one event that is relevant to this blog... What happens in Vegas, sometimes comes home with you to make your ass grow and your dignity shrink....

  On Saturday, my friend Ali (Vegas native) came to pick me up at my hotel so we could head out to a pool party.  We wound up at the Flamingo Hotel because it was free for girls and some local Vegas DJ would be spinning tunes there all day.  Now if you've been reading my blog you will know that i'm not that all comfortable in a bikini quite yet, but my thought of going to a party pool was 'Hey...I don't know these people, so I really don't care how white my ass may be at the moment.'  That was MY THOUGHT...in MY HEAD... but everyone at THAT POOL... heard it.

After purchasing those most overpriced cocktails in my life, Ali and I were able to snag two lounge chairs pool side after taking time for a photo op in front of some red carpet wanna be background.  The music was good, there were people every where, and the local Vegas DJ was announcing that it was time for girls who wanted to be in the Booty Shaking Contest to make their way over to the tent.  Ali and I kind of giggled and continued sipping my money turned alcohol...

I haven't seen her in a while so we did some catching up, talked about her boyfriend, job, weather in Vegas, etc.  And as convos with friends usually do, we started talking about my blog.  I asked her what it's like living in the City of Sin as a girl who's not built like a straw and who's boobs could possibly be about the size of my head.  If I remember correctly (lots of alcohol had been consumed at this point) she said that as long as you strut with confidence it's okay and the guys will still come a runnin'.   She also told me that a friend's mom once said "If you don't like it, tan it."  Vegas Gem #1! When she said that, I paused and pretty much shouted "You're soooo right!"  It always seems to me that when i'm more tan my fat looks more attractive! DUH!  And then my immediate thought was 'so if I get really tan I don't have to work out as much'... like I said... I wasn't thinking clearly at this point due to the $20 souvenir cup o' booze in my hand.

  Then we coined the phrase MORNING SKINNINESS.  Definition: When you wake up in the morning feeling all thin and pretty, you dress in clothes that normally might fit you snuggly.  About 5pm when you get home from work you look at yourself in the mirror and say 'What the hell was I thinking!' ...as you pinch your love handles for fat effect.  We laughed about this, all the while saying that we wish we could stay that thin all day.  Vegas Gem #2!

See my $20 souvenir cup?

  This is when things took an unexpected turn... While so engrossed in our drunken convo I failed to see the local DJ making his rounds asking women to enter the contest.  Next thing I know he's right in front of us.  (Thank god I was laying on my stomach, tanning my back side)  He stops, looks down at us, and says into his mircrophone "Are you ladies going to enter the contest?"  I, not seeing that he had lowered the microphone closer to my big fat mouth, say "Who the hell would want to see my fat white ass shaking around?!"  This is when I heard the echo telling me that this exchange was not just heard by the three of us, but the whole party pool!!!  And to make matters worse the whole party was facing my big white backside...  Great.... juuuuuust great.  To save face, I smiled and took another sip of my Lynchberg Lemonade, (all the while Ali is trying to stifle her laughter), and told him "No thank you."

  Once he walked away laughing and shaking his head, I thanked god that I had indeed done some stiletto workouts before vegas so my legs and butt were looking a little bit trimmer.  I also took his asking as a compliment, since there were a ton of girls there he could have talked to.

In the bushes watching the contest.

Ali and I headed over to the contest shortly after that, just to make sure that we had made the right decision.  We had, thank the heavens, because most of those girls were tall, tan, thin, and pretty (minus the one Canadian girl who probably had enough money to buy 5 of those overpriced souvenir cups) But who am I to judge?  At least she had to cajones to enter the damn the thing! Viva Las Vegas, right?!

After we had had our fill of entertainment and a good laugh at my misfortune, we took our leave, and headed out of party pool area.


Lessons Learned:  #1 - If you don't like it, tan it. #2 - Just because it fits you in the morning doesn't mean it'll fit you that evening. #3 - And always make sure there isn't a microphone by your face when you say something about your big white ass.

  Vegas was great!... but I will not see the City Of Sin again until I get my bikini body and dignity back.  Thank you Ali, for giving me some great material to use, and for not laughing at me to hard. :-)

            




              
        

To Dress Size Up Or Size Down

Still preparing for my Vegas trip here...

   I'll admit that sometimes I spend more money BEFORE my vacation than ON my vacation.  It never fails that my wardrobe is always missing some key items that I just HAVE TO run out and buy (ie, torturous heels, skanky dress, big blingy necklace, etc)  This time it was all of the above, so I headed out to the mall as quickly as my car would take me to find these missing pieces.
  
   Now if anyone is like me, I sometimes dread going into the mall or clothing store with nothing really in mind of what i'm looking for.  Most of the time I hit the dressing room with about 20 different items and return all of them with a big ol' frown on my face because none of them looked fantastic on me.  Then the journey continues to about 5 different stores before I finally give up and head home with my head hung low and my confidence a little worse for the wear. This time I was afraid that it was going to be no exception, so you can believe my surprise when I found the perfect dress at the first stop!

   Yesterday I headed back to the store that I bought my awesome 70's roller disco outfit at in hopes that they would have a Vegas worthy dress.  In about 10 minutes of grabbing just about everything I liked I headed to the torture chamber...I mean dressing room...to see how they sized up.  After tearing a few of them right off and trying not to laugh, I found this cute little strapless and short (well short for me anyways) cocktail dress.
  
   Only problem was that it was just a little too loose for my taste... and this is Vegas we're talking about, so tighter is always better.  One thing I liked about it was that is fit comfortably and I wouldn't have to worry about showing too much T and A.  The only problem is that I know I'd be doing the 'pull up' 'pull down' all night.  ( Dress starts to fall almost to the point of showing some nipple sunrise, so you pull it up.  Dress starts to ride up when you're cutting a rug on the dance floor, so you pull it down)  It's such a pain in ass...
  
   So my solution to this was to try on a size smaller.  Now this time I had to shimmy into the damn thing and not breath for about 30 seconds while I attempted to zip it up.  Once on though, it didn't look that bad.  At this moment I started running through the pros and cons of purchasing THIS size...

Pros:

- If I remember to stand up straight it'll look great
- Because I can barely breathe i'll be less likely to eat the day I have to wear it.
- It's so tight I wouldn't even have to wear a bra!
- Because it's so tight it sucks me in, so I look thinner.
- When I get rid of more weight it'll fit me great!

Cons:

- I won't be able to breathe, eat, or drink.
- If I forget to stand up straight and suck it in, i'll look like a down comforter trying to be shoved back into the original bag.
- It might severely hinder my awesome dance moves that i've been working on.
- Consequently, if said dance moves are attempted, it might just split open revealing by awesomely white ass.
- If I even gain back 5 pounds there isn't a chance in hell i'll be able to ever wear it again.

  In the end, the pros won out the cons, and I bought the smaller size.  In order to make sure it fits perfect, i'm wearing this awesome tummy and butt-sucker -inner thingy I bought a while ago (Thanks Dr. Oz).  This way I don't have to worry about standing up straight, sucking it in, or my ass being exposed at any point.

Lesson learned:  Sometimes buying the smaller size is the better option.  Just make sure it's not too small lest you look like this:

 
  

70's Roller Disco Workout

Shereen and I... See the skates?!

    The title above is no joke!  Well... it kind of is.  That's not what's advertised when you go to World Of Wheels (WOW) in LA for Roller Disco Night, but it's how I felt the next day that made me come to this conclusion...

   Last Saturday my friend Joey and I headed out Los Angeles for my friend Shereen's birthday party.  That clever girl decided to have it at this awesome AMF roller rink/bar/bowling alley.  I of course Googled it to see what I was in for, and it didn't disappoint.  There was carpeted walls in the usual 70's colors, cheesy slogan posters, and the usual brown and orange old-as-dirt rental roller skates.  I, thankfully, had asked my friend Darla the day before if she had a pair I could borrow,  and she produced this rad pair of $200 roller derby skates.  (I'm not a germaphobe, but i'm not unaware of what could be lurking in the rentals)

Joey's got the Saturday Night Fever!

Joey, even though he wore roller blades, did not disappoint and wore an outfit that represented Saturday Night Fever.  I shopped for 2 days to find my perfect outfit and I was actually happy that everything I tried on fit!  So with my hair done a la Farrah Fawcett, blue eye shadow, overpriced striped tube socks, and short shorts, we headed to the rink to get our skate and drink on...

  Now i'd like to remind you that I haven't been on a pair of skates in over 15 years.  So once there and strapped in it was slow going and totally awkward!  I may have 'windmilled' it a couple of times, ( You know where your arms flail around in circles while you try to regain your balance?  Ya that...)  I may have made the 'Oh-Shit-I'm-Going-Fall' face.  I may have even latched onto Joey's arm with the thought of 'If i'm going down, so are you, and we can both be embarrassed.'  However, after about an hour this girl got her Roller Boogie on and wasn't so Dazed and Confused anymore.

  Now in all fairness to the people floundering around out there in the rink, I had had roller skating lessons when I was a kid taught by some old lady with a tutu and a bouffant hair-do.  We learned the essentials like Shoot The Duck,  how to limbo on skates, the Cross Over, the T-Stop, and how to skate backwards.  I'm sure Darla agrees with me (she was there too) that lessons at Skate Land were much more fun than the piano lessons we were also put into.   And I would also like to take this time to thank my mother for dolling out the cash, because without those lessons, by tailbone would be oh so bruised right now.

  But enough about that... the reason i'm writing about this is because of the way I felt the next day.  I swear that if my thighs could talk (you're welcome for that visual by the way) they would be screaming at me!  Who knew that 50 turns around that rink could work out every part of my body including my mid section!  Everything hurts!  My legs mostly, but my arms, butt, abs, and even back are all sore.  I really think i'm on to something here... who knew that while having fun, I could get in a work out?!  Granted the two Captain and Cokes I had may have negated about 80% of it, but still!  I'm almost tempted to sign up for lessons again and see what comes of it.  I would so much rather skate my butt higher, and my thighs thinner, than run or do workout videos at home!  

  The lesson learned here:  There are lots of ways to get in a workout that can be fun yet unconventional!


  What are some ways that you got in an unexpected work out?  Comment below or our Facebook page and let us know!

My Elliptical Machine Is Now A Coat Rack...

My Elliptical Machine Is Now A Coat Rack...

Ms. Procrastinate here....

  So i'm totally aware that my last post was in February... I have many excuses for this, and yes i'm aware that excuses get me absolutely no where in life, however these will make you laugh.

1) I'm not going to blog today because I just ate 2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
2) I'm not going to blog today because I watched Wipeout on TV and i'm pissed I    
     didn't go to my second audition.
3) I'm not going to blog today because I need to get rid of these hideous tan lines
     instead (And everyone knows you look thinner with a tan)
4) I'm not going to blog today because i'm not feeling very funny... and people  
      who read this expect me to be funny
5) I'm not going to blog today because the Royal Wedding is happening tonight and
     it's a big deal.

   And then there are the real excuses behind all of these lies I tell myself (ie... Who is going to read it anyways, I haven't done a damn thing, I broke my word to myself more times than I can count, etc....)

  So, to not get totally emo and winey I do have some funny stories up my sleeves...

  The last 3 months or so my mom has gotten rid of so much weight that she's giving ME a run for my money!  I was so upset with myself about my whole non-workout non-diet regime that I told her... and I quote, "I'm the Lucy!  You're supposed to stay the Ethel!" Some great supportive daughter I am...

  About a month ago I purchased a used elliptical machine that squeaks like crazy and put it in my room. I thought "If I put it where i'll see it everyday I'll workout all the time!"  Want to know how many times i've used it?  oh many...  I use it to hang my sweaters, belts, jeans, jackets, and clothes that need to hang dry.  I use it as a play thing for my new kitten.  I use it to put things up high enough so that my new kitten can't get to them.  I use it for shopping bags.  I use it for extra hangers I don't want to lose in my closet. I use it for something to lean against when i'm putting on my shoes.  I've even used it to tape my 'to-do list' on so its at eye level!!!  Aaaaaaand (drum roll please...) I've used it a grand total of ONE TIME to workout!  If you're not laughing now, i'm doing plenty of laughing for you.  It's become a ridiculous reminder of how uncommitted I am to getting ready for *big sigh* bathing suit season.

   It's so bad right now I don't even want to commit to saying anything like "This time is different," or "I swear i'll workout tomorrow."  Results speak volumes my friends, and right now i'm sans just that!  I need some major support in this quest for my tone and fit figure back.  So... *deep breathe*, who wants to come workout with me and woop my butt into shape?!

Not mine!  But you get the idea...

2011 Already?! Crap

I have the name Ms. Procrastinate for a reason! Since November 1st i've been doing that thing where I blog in my head but never actually sign in and publish it. (I even had to reset my password today because I couldn't even remember it!) Just so everyone is caught up here, I am going to tell you what all of the titles to my posts were going to be with a short description.

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day!
I was going to talk about how proud I was about myself that I didn't eat everything in sight and didn't even go for seconds.... of the food that is... the vino is another story.

Chocovine
My new vino obsession and how I purchased roughly 11 bottles of it over the holiday season.

Dear Santa, I can explain...

This is where I was going to right about how bad I was all year when it came to dieting and exercising. (At this point it had been about 2 months since i'd gone running or did any kind of working out.)

Have I ever kept a New Years Resolution?... No.

This is the one where I was going to talk about how tallying up all of new years resolutions I kept came up with a fat grand total of ZERO.

Then there was this one... A MID-MID LIFE CRISIS AT 30.
Plain and simple.... Vegas destroyed me.

And this one is more recent so i'll expand on it a little...

2011 marked the year that I would turn 30. I had traveled up to Las Vegas with some close friends of mine and went crazy... not so much in the party sense (even though there was a lot of that) but in the over indulgence of food and drink. Its Vegas after all and the alcohol flowith and buffets are bountiful.

On my actual birthday I was walking around the strip with my friend's Margarita Guitar (a hollowed out guitar filled to the brim with the sweet goodness of tequila and margarita mix... it even came with a strap). Needless to say 3 sips of that thing probably was a normal persons calorie intake for a day. An hour later we were at The Chandelier Bar in The Cosmopolitan having more drinks... then more drinks.... theeeeeeen more drinks. My snack before a very hefty Italian dinner was a crepe from Jean Foofy Pants (can't remember the name, but its in the Bellagio next to the chocolate fountain). Then more drinking at Tao Nightclub. This is when my mid-mid life crisis hit and I was a MESS. But this isn't the worst part....

The next morning my friends and I went to our hotel's buffet brunch. After about 30 minutes in line and a 30 second dash around the food court I had about 3 plates sitting in front of me, a cup of coffee, and a mimosa. And I ate every single bite! Cheese blintzes, sausages, and eggs Oh My! (Speaking of The Wizard of Oz... I still to this day don't remember leading my friends on a wild goose chase for a train through the MGM that Friday night) Anyways... After all that food I sampled about 5 different desert thingys... My excuse for all of this? I wanted to get my friend Darla's money worth. Let's be honest... Bellagio's buffet is good, but it's freaking expensive.

The consequence for all of that... 5 extra pounds! Gah! Was it worth it you might ask... yes and no. The weeks leading up to my birthday I could have taken measures to avoid the weight gain I knew was inevitabe in Vegas. I could have detoxed. I could have gone running. I could have even drank more water! Did I do any of that... HELL NO! So now I'm back to where I was 3 months ago and 5 pounds farther away from my goal weight. Lesson learned: When you know you're going to do something where a binge is going to happen take the neccesary steps to avoid major weight gain. Be smart about it and plan ahead.

So this year there will be no more 'Head Blogging,' no more sitting on my butt all day before work, and no more drink and food binges. This is not a new years resolution folks... this an every day, week, and year SOLUTION.