frustrated

I haven't been to the gym in over a week. I really have no excuse. I was sore for a couple days, but that's over now. I've been craving sugar worse than marilyn monroe craved attention. i haven't given in to EVERY temptation, but I've given in to a couple. I went to walmart today and seriously stared at one of their little cakes for like two minutes. Contemplating. I walked away and felt good as I did it.
Although I'd like to say that the reason I resisted was because I have conquered my addiction, it wasn't. It was because the mini cake was $6 and this summer, I don't have $6 to spend on a craving. It's been ridiculously slow at work. Everyone is hurting. No one goes out anymore because we can't afford it. I was only at walmart because it was SO hot in my house that I needed to get out. I also had a couple small things I needed that I couldn't find at the 99 cents only store (yes, I ACTUALLY lowered myself to go in there...) so I made the run.
Maybe the stress is part of the reason I want to cheat so badly. Food has ALWAYS been my go-to in times like this. When I'm really stressed, it throws off EVERYTHING and I get really depressed and the only time I feel good is when I'm doing something bad. Does that make sense? I'm still on my anti-depressants and I know in my mind that going to the gym will help work out some of that bad energy, but for whatever reason, I don't go. I sleep. I watch Golden Girls. I spend hours on Netflix. And before I would eat.
I don't really have anything bad in my house right now to binge on, thank Jesus. I thought about buying a box of donuts and gorging "just this once." I stared at the candy bars in the checkout line. When I stopped by the gas station to buy a bag of ice I gazed longingly at the M&M ice cream sandwich on the next shelf. As I passed McDonald's on the way home, I could TASTE a hot fudge sundae, extra hot fudge. As I write this, I would give my big toe for ANYTHING cake-like and chocolate-y with creamy chocolate frosting, like Linda's Fudge Cake from Cheesecake Factory. Or Ben and Jerry's Phish Food.
But, again, I refrain. I wonder if the temptations are EVER going to let up. I wonder how much longer I can resist.