My 14 Year Old Skirt

Oh October how I love thee... Let me count the ways...

1) Friend's Bachelorette Party
2) Knott's Scary Farm
3) Annual Halloween Party
4) Slow Time At Work....

Now let me count the ways I hate you...

1) Too much wine, food, and vodka at bachelorette party
2) Too much vodka, food, and candy at Scary Farm
3) Too much rum, chips, and cupcakes at Halloween Party
4) Too much sitting on my ass catching up on re-runs of House


This is without a doubt my favorite month of the year. There is so much do with little time for things like ummm... let me see... DIETING AND EXERCISING! I haven't put on my running shoes in over a month. I only eat salads at work because I got sick of snacking on the chips. And I haven't blogged in so long it took me 15 minutes to remember my password to this account! What the hell?!

So what do I do? I start riding Muffin Top's ass asking her why she hasn't blogged in forever. Deflection on my part? ABSOLUTELY! So I am here to write about a small triumph on my part that I realized this past week...

Every year I wear the same costumes depending on which ones I fit in at the time: Slutty Nurse, Slutty Devil, or Good or Slutty School Girl (depends on where i'm going). The costume i'm focusing on is the School Girl... it is my actual school skirt from high school. That's right! I can still fit into that damn thing year after year. However, year after year there is always some sort of variation. There is a zipper and a button on the side of it, and depending on how much I weigh at the moment that zipper may be all the way up or flying at half mast. Most years I can cleverly hide when its half way down by throwing on a sweater vest that hangs low on my hips with a white button up underneath. This year however was the first time that zipper went all the way up AAAAAAAND I got the button done too! WHAT?!?! Granted it was pretty damn tight and I had to hike the damn skirt all the way to just under my ribs, but still! I was shocked! SHOCKED!

I was so pleased with myself until I realized one thing (thanks to a smarmy co-worker of mine). Seeing as how I had to hike the skirt up so much to get that button done, I had effectively made the skirt short as hell! I remember in high school when that plaid fabric would hang off of my hips and it fit like a dream. (Well as dreamy as a plaid skirt can get.) DAMNIT! WHY GOD WHY???!!! Just when I thought I was only 10 pounds from reaching the weight I was in high school I have now realized that now I really have to work double time to tone up that mid section. UGH!!!

So now that we are in the month of November I have to worry about looking good in my friends wedding photos, award dinner photos, and family Thanksgiving photos! So thanks October for the vodka and food binge... i'm glad we are parting ways for the time being...This girl has to go find her running shoes.


Definitely a "Half Mast" year... circa 2007

OK, I suck

We all suck though. Isn't that how we got ourselves into this predicament anyway? By not doing what we were supposed to do when we were supposed to do it? Taking the easy way out? Pull your head out of the sand, you know you're guilty of it too.
I admit, part of my reason for slacking was because I had my head in a big puffy Timmy cloud. He's the guy I was seeing for like a month and he's everything I've ever wanted and more... except he's 6 1/2 years younger than I am and he's not in a place where he's ready to settle down and I am. Boo fricking hoo. So, I just can't sit around and wait for him to realize I'm the best thing that will ever happen to him, so while he's working on getting his shit together, I can work on getting MY shit together. And if it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, then at least I'll have my shit together and will find someone who is ready to make me happy, even if it's just me.
I do have to say that one of many good things that came out of my relationship with Tim is that he taught me that there really are good, honest guys out there and just being around him made me want to be a better person myself. He recently lost 40 pounds because he stopped smoking pot and playing video games all the time (he's actually a national champion... don't judge me... he's retired from gaming....) and we had similar fitness goals. We both like to hike and we both have always wanted to run a marathon. The difference? He actually goes hiking. And he actually goes running. IMAGINE THAT!
I've realized I'm like the blonde in that joke who swears she hears the voice of God telling her she's going to win the lottery but doesn't understand why she never wins... it's because she never bought a ticket. How in the hell am I supposed to run a marathon, a half marathon, or even a 5K if I NEVER TRAIN? How is "someday" going to happen if I don't put one foot in front of the other and just let the time pass me by watching Golden Girls?
So, I know the point of this blog is to try the various gimmicks out there to see if they actually work and to blog the experiences we have with them. I may pick up a Shake Weight just because I think it's damn funny. Shoot, maybe I'll see if I can find a Thighmaster and do them both at the same time. What a picture THAT would be!
But whatever happens, I need to suck it up and do what I need to do. I think I'll start by cutting out "white" again. White bread, white flour, white sugar and most processed foods. I really DID feel great when I did that before and I lost like 15 pounds in a month. I do have some 72% dark chocolate on my hands in case of an emergency and I can't live without carbs, but I do have some quinoa and 100% whole wheat bread on hand.
Here we go. *raises glass of water* Here's to hoping I can stick to it this time...

The 30 Second Choice

Ms. Procrastinate here...

The last three weeks i've been giving this a lot of thought... choice. We make choices everyday. Good, bad, to finish what's on our plate, or to put the leftovers in the fridge for later. When you're in the grocery store we make a choice to buy healthy items or even not so healthy items. In the morning we have the choice to listen to our alarm when it goes off and get out of bed... or we hit the snooze button and think, "5 more minutes and i'll get up." I don't know about you but when I make that choice to hit the snooze button I know i'm not getting up for at least another 30 min. And every 5 minutes i'll hit the button and think, "just 5 more minutes" knowing that i'm lying to myself. *slaps hand to forehead*

I was once told that every time you say you're GOING to do something and DON'T do it, your self confidence takes a hit. Sooooooo true! And yet, here I am saying that i'm going to find someone to loan me their P90X or Insanity workout DVD's and i've only asked one person and never followed through. I said I was going to eat like a damn rabbit for 90 days and drink lots of water, but what's true is that right now i'm on my 2nd cup of coffee. Bad choices!

Also what I do reflects and shows up on others around me. Example: When
I stop blogging... iheartbread and Muffin Top stop too. Coincidence? Nope! When I care to blog they care to blog and vice versa.

So on to my thoughts about the 30 Seconds Choice... Granted a lot of people make great choices in those 30 seconds. For those of us with diet and weight loss issues, great choices maybe come once in a while. Let's face the facts here... if we made the right choices we wouldn't be in this position in the first place. I know 30 seconds doesn't seem like a long time but i'm not talking about the whole decision making process here.

I'm talking about the amount of time it takes for you to start talking yourself into the wrong choice. It only takes one thought to start you going down the shady path in your mind type of thing. Get it?! Example: I have 2 choices for lunch...Taco Bell or a homemade sandwich with grapes. The first thought the steers me towards the bad choice is "it'll be easier to drive a block and get lunch than take 15 minutes to hunt down everything I need to make the sandwich." Once THAT thought comes up i'll start to justify it! "And taco bell is so cheap anyways I might as well." It's so stupid!!! THEEEEEN I'll make my self feel better about making that choice. "So because i'm eating at Taco Bell i'll get a Diet Pepsi and do 30 minutes on the Wii fit." Ya... like that'll ever happen. I'll make up some other excuse later about how I don't have enough time to workout. Can anyone relate!?!?!

So my challenge to you readers (all 15 of you, lol) is to catch that ONE thought in that 30 seconds that gets you speeding towards the choice that isn't best for you. Write down what it is and put it up somewhere that you'll see it all the time, and ask yourself, "How often does this one thought come up?" You'd be surprised! And i'll do the same of course and let you know what it is.

Happy dieting everyone!

impossible

That's how i describe this Slim Fast bullshit. Maybe if I had a "normal job" with a "normal schedule" it would be conceivable, but with a person who works nights and doesn't wake up for "breakfast," it's not a good time.
Well, maybe if i got up early enough, had a shake, went to the gym, had a snack, got ready for work, had a shake, etc.... So it's either that it really IS impossible or I'm not giving it enough effort.

But I'll tell you what, be prepared. I'm hungry. A lot of liquid going in means a lot of liquid going out. My first day doing this I was quite weak and didn't have a lot of energy at work. I ran out of milk so I didn't do it for a few days and I felt better. Hmmm, wonder if there's a connection....
Of course when you're adjusting to ANY new plan, there's going to be lulls in energy. Maybe I notice it more because I have such a physically demanding job. Who knows and really, who cares?
I got more milk, I'm going to keep trying. Starting my day with a shake DOES remind me to take in less calories throughout the day. And my pants DID feel a bit looser this morning....

30 more days of this crap?!

That's my first thought. I'm on day one and I already can't stick with the program. I didn't go off and binge or anything, but I woke up late and got my schedule all out of whack. I had a shake this morning with 2% milk and some blackberries added to my milk chocolate flavored torture... ahem, meal. In all honesty, it wasn't bad. You blend it with some ice and for awhile, it's pretty filling. I had an apple before leaving for work and was planning on having a salad (joy!) when I got to work.
Buuuuut, I got a call when I was in the locker room that apparently I was late and was supposed to start at two instead of three. Oops. Oh well. I should have still gotten a break. Buuuuuut that didn't happen. I got a table and they stayed until preshit, ahem, preshift then I had to set up for a table at 5:30. Fortunately for me, we're starting these rotisserie specials, so we had to try the first one today. It was a balsalmic glazed lamb with minted olive oil on top of sauteed spinach and served with a quinoa pilaf.
I tell you what, that quinoa pilaf saved the heads of everyone at work. During preshift I could feel the belly start to rumble. I drank a couple glasses of water and was seriously looking at my knuckles wondering if I could gnaw them off without anyone noticing. Of course, the bread cart is wide open next to me and I could smell the fresh bakeness of it. Forget Chinese water torture. You want to drive ME crazy? Tell me not to eat it.
The plus side to not plunging into the bread cart headfirst is that I know if I could resist it once, I can resist it again. I gave up white bread, white flour and white sugar for awhile and didn't eat the bread and after awhile, I got out of the habit and it wasn't a temptation anymore. But that takes time.
Fortunately for me #2 is that we were busy, so I didn't have a chance to think that much about the pinball game going on in my insides. I did grab a banana partway through the shift and that helped curb the echo emanating from my digestive system.
I'm home now and I considered having another shake, but I wasn't sure if that'd be a good idea, so I ate a peach and made some hot tea. I'm hoping that'll fill the void. Because, frankly, I'm hungry.

the great oz has spoken!

So, I'm going with the votes of all two of you who cast one: The Slim Fast plan. I start tomorrow. Blech. The last two days I've been living it up in anticipation for this crap. I've drunk the equivalent of two bottles of red wine and a bottle of champagne, eaten very bad mexican food, cheeseburgers, a cobb salad drenched in ranch and a brownie batter concrete from Culver's.
I DID go to Walmart to get some shake powder and some fruit for my "two shakes, three snacks and a sensible dinner." The "sensible dinner" part I can get at work five days a week and making something at home or having a frozen dinner two days a week shouldn't be too much of a challenge.
The hardest part for me is going to be not eating when I get home or when I'm out and about. I'm DEFINITELY an emotional eater and I'll also have to deal with some of my demons in a new way.
Since I just finished gorging on the Cobb and the concrete, I'm going to wait until the morning to weigh in and do my waist and hip measurements. According to the doctor today, I was 244, but since I won't be going in in a month, I want to have an accessible control scale.
Wish me luck. The next month may be filled with rants and raves and confessions of hunger and hatred. I may admit to a murder on here, but since you guys are kind of like my therapy, I'll consider anything said on here to be attorney-client privilege.

It's on you, Slim Fast. You say "give us a week, we'll take off the weight." I'm holding you to that, bitches!

AM update: 240 on home scale. waist 39.5 hips 53 thighs 50.5 Do your magic Slim Fast!

Choose Your Own Adventure

Do you remember those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books from way back in the day? You'd be on a crusade with some of your friends and you come to the opening of a cave and "you decide to enter the cave... turn to page 17" or "you and your friends back away from the cave and find a different route.... turn to page 84." I never understood how those books worked. It must have been an editor's logistical nightmare!
"Shut it Muffin Top and get to the point!" you're probably thinking... I've decided to let YOU choose my adventure! I've obviously fallen off the wagon AGAIN (damn I need to get that wheel fixed...) so instead of going back and forth and debating which method to try this month, I'm going to let you choose for me! So, here are your options:

*The Slim Fast Program
*Detox Green tea or Herbal tea
*Hoodia Superthin


Whatever you choose will be started on September 1st.

Ready, set, VOTE*!

*you do not have to be 18 as this is not a political election.

NKOTB

New Kid On The Blog.
Yup...that's me!

My name is Melissa…but will be better known as iheartbread on this blog. I’m a 29 year old woman living in Garden Grove with my husband and the most adorable dog in the world, Halo. I wasn’t fat all my life, so I don’t have any of those “Ive been fat since birth” or “Ive been fat for as far as I can remember” lines. Nope…I did this all on my own.

I think I started packing on the pounds in high school...I wasn't huge then...but I was by no means small. I guess I never looked back after that. When I met my husband back in 2003, I was around 180 lbs….I haven’t seen that number in almost 7 years! I managed to put on close to 95 pounds during that time. I obviously took full advantage of the “we’re comfortable with each other” stage of our relationship. Haha I made sure that stage lasted a rrrreeeallllyyy long time.

So I ate and ate and ate and ate. I became so unhappy, so I ate more. Then I would diet and lose 3 lbs, so I rewarded myself with eating. Food tied into every single aspect of my life. I ate for EVERY emotion and I didn’t know how to direct my feelings towards anything else other than food. My fat ass was too lazy so I rarely exercised. My knees hurt, my ankles hurt, I always had to catch my breath after one flight of stairs and STILL I chose food. Me = miserable.

I tried all kinds of diets! No carb, weight watchers, nutrisystem...and YES! They work! BUT! They aren’t realistic and long term (well Weight Watchers might be if you're into writing things down…which I'm not). My weight loss isn’t going to be a temporary fix or something to drop a few pounds. Im changing the way I love day to freakin day! I need to do this FOREVER! I need something I can live with…and dammit I need to be able to have cake sometimes!!!

So on February 10th of this year, myself and 3 of my girlfriends came up with a Biggest Loser Challenge...a 6 month challenge where we put money in the pot, made up our rules, weighed in every week and the person with the greatest percentage lost would win the pot!
And the end of that 6 months, I lost a total of 51.8 pounds! This is the most I have ever lost EVER. And I did it all by myself! I’m becoming a different person and I’m loving every moment of it.

In the blogs to come I will be sharing some of the tips and tricks that have worked for me these past 6 months, as well as blog about weight loss in general and how much it can really suck sometimes but how hard work is truly the most rewarding!!
I know I still have a LONG way to go (I hope to get back to around 180 and decide WTF to do then!) but I look forward to sharing this journey with you…the setbacks, the triumphs, the struggles and the FOOD 

Tight pants and sushi don't mix

Ms Procrastinate here...

Note to self: Don't wear your skinny jeans (ie... the ones you haven't been able to fit into for a year) on a first date when you go for sushi.

I was sooooo excited when I put on my pair of Hollister jeans today and they actually fit! And by 'fit' I mean that I could actually get them buttoned up while I laid on the floor and sucked in my stomach with all of my might. So instead of conceding and wearing another pair of jeans that ACTUALLY fit I decided on wearing a top that covered the love handles that were spilling over the sides. *sigh*

My date for the night asked me where I want to go and like an idiot I said, "Sushi sounds good." And in all fairness I did warn him that I am the least sexiest woman on earth because i'll just shove the whole roll in my mouth and not be able to breathe until I swallow about half of it. All was going great until about 3/4 of the way through the meal I was talking about sushi and how when you eat it you get really full, but about 2 hours later your hungry again. He told me that the reason is that rice expands in your stomach making you more full. Now I don't know if he saw my 'Oh Shit' reaction, but I promptly put down my chop sticks, thinking about the word EXPAND and what that could mean for my already tight as hell jeans, and said a quick prayer. It went something like this: "Please god don't let my pants split open! I promise i'll eat right from now on and exercise like Richard Simmons."

Miss Procrastinate knows what she's talking about. I was doing so well and then I skipped a day at the gym. Then two... Now it's been like three weeks since I've been and I've noticed a total connection between going to the gym and eating healthier. When I'm working out and feeling good, I'm more inclined to make better choices and not give in to crap. That, unfortunately, has NOT been the case recently.
And when I mean recently, I mean like 15 minutes ago. As in, I had Coldstone for breakfast. It was leftover from last night. I drove with my old roommate from Kansas to Phoenix and along the way, we had a bet going as to how many FedEx trucks we would see. I DRASTICALLY underestimated. Originally, she bet 63 and I bet 48. When we were at 21 trucks after only 3 hours, we upped it. She then changed her estimate to 103 so anything below that, I won. The stakes? A Gotta-Have-It from Coldstone... in a waffle bowl. Anyway, I lost so I owed her ice cream. She ate half of it and left the rest in the freezer. Since I have no willpower whatsoever, I finished it. So now I feel like crap, just want to go back to bed and am asking myself WHY I DO THIS?!
Looking at the pictures from the trip, I can see how bloated my face has gotten again after it was beginning to thin out. It may be time to try out some of this craziness we hear about, like a cleanse... or anorexia... or SOMETHING...

5 Slices of Pizza Negates 3 Mile Run

Miss Procrastinate here...

Sooooooooo..... (twiddles thumbs and sighs)

I have been a bad bad bad girl. This morning a good girl woke up and went for a 3 mile run. Then the bad girl took over the good girl and forced her to eat 5 slices of pizza for dunch. (dunch=dinner/lunch) Not very conducive to raising my ass up to high expectations... and when I say 'ass' I do in fact mean my ass.

So If you've been reading lately you will probably have noticed that muffin top and myself seem to have fallen off the wagon. It happens to all dieters at one time or another when that 'one slice of cake', or that 'extra cup of coffee', or that 'one little piece of chocolate' turn into 5 slice pizza binges. I hope you are starting to notice a trend here... 2-3 weeks strong and then it all falls apart... nothing new for myself and speaking for Muffin Top, probably not new for her either. If you can't relate you're probably blonde, skinny, and rich. Oh how I envy you!

Moving on.... so last week I was hanging out with a good friend of mine (to protect her identity i'll call her Buzz Numero 1.) Buzz Numero 1 and Buzz Numero 2 (her twin) and I went for pizza, dip-n-dots, and vino. (Like I said before, I haven't been good.) When Buzz 2 had to leave for work Buzz 1 and I broke out the vino and started to chat. We were discussing my blog and I asked her how she stays so thin. Her answer: "Get a bad boyfriend." When I stopped laughing and pulled myself together long enough to speak coherently I asked her what she was talking about. She proceeded to tell me that when she dated this total lemon that she was so stressed out that she dropped about 15 pounds. Not saying that this is something I want to try but now I know that dating a complete jackass may have some rewards.

To be honest the girls are coming over tonight for more vino, however I have been scheduled to run 2 more days than usual this week. Aaaaand to top that off we will have a work out of our own tonight playing some very interactive Wii games that make for a great arm workout.

ta ta for now.... Look for a new blogger coming soon!

Just to clear things up...

Just to clear up some of the confusion i've been hearing about this blog...

As of right now there are two contributors to this blog. Myself (Christina aka Miss Procrastinate) and Muffin Top. You can see who wrote the blog entry by scrolling to the bottom of the entry. In about a day or so, another friend of mine will be joining in the madness and contributing as well.

What I want from you as readers is honest feed back. If you feel like there is a diet out there that worth a shot, or a great workout that you've heard of please let me know. When there are 5 writers on here I don't expect everyone to read every entry. My goal is to have a wide enough range of Why Weight Till Monday Bloggers that you can find at least one writer that you can really identify with.

I have about 2 more spots open for writers at this time so if it's something you are interested in please let me know asap. The type of people i'm looking for have to have these certain things going on for them:

1) Looking to get out of their normal weight loss box and try some new and crazy things.

2) I would really like at least 1 male blogger on here. (I know not all guys like to look at themselves naked in the mirror all of the time)

3) You have to post a new blog at least 2 times a week and be real, authentic, and funny!

4) I would like at least one female who doesn't really need to lose weight but needs to tone up.

5) Some writing experience would be nice but it's not required.

Contact me in a comment or email me at Whyweighttillmonday@gmail.com

Thanks!!!!

good lord

I feel like absolute crap. Lost all control today. Well, and last night. Was good for the most part. Went to Denny's (don't judge me... i needed unlimited coffee and space to work on a project where no one would bother me...) I got the pulled bbq chicken sandwich with the fiesta corn (corn w/ pico de gallo and green peppers) and "dippable veggies" which wasn't bad. But I finally gave into my cake temptation and got a slice to go. I ate it while watching Golden Girls and feeling guilty yet so wonderful during every bite.
Tonight wasn't a good night either. It was my friend's 40th birthday and she had a party at her house. I had some Jell-o shots, some wine, a couple tequila shots, pizza, chips and 7 layer dip, and some cheesy bread. Thus the reason I feel like crap. I'm not used to eating like that and it's just sitting there, like a bump on a pickle.
I neeeed to go back to the gym. I neeeeeed to remember this feeling and not do it again. I neeeeeeeeeeed to stick to my plan and keep on truckin. Otherwise this will kill me. Literally.

frustrated

I haven't been to the gym in over a week. I really have no excuse. I was sore for a couple days, but that's over now. I've been craving sugar worse than marilyn monroe craved attention. i haven't given in to EVERY temptation, but I've given in to a couple. I went to walmart today and seriously stared at one of their little cakes for like two minutes. Contemplating. I walked away and felt good as I did it.
Although I'd like to say that the reason I resisted was because I have conquered my addiction, it wasn't. It was because the mini cake was $6 and this summer, I don't have $6 to spend on a craving. It's been ridiculously slow at work. Everyone is hurting. No one goes out anymore because we can't afford it. I was only at walmart because it was SO hot in my house that I needed to get out. I also had a couple small things I needed that I couldn't find at the 99 cents only store (yes, I ACTUALLY lowered myself to go in there...) so I made the run.
Maybe the stress is part of the reason I want to cheat so badly. Food has ALWAYS been my go-to in times like this. When I'm really stressed, it throws off EVERYTHING and I get really depressed and the only time I feel good is when I'm doing something bad. Does that make sense? I'm still on my anti-depressants and I know in my mind that going to the gym will help work out some of that bad energy, but for whatever reason, I don't go. I sleep. I watch Golden Girls. I spend hours on Netflix. And before I would eat.
I don't really have anything bad in my house right now to binge on, thank Jesus. I thought about buying a box of donuts and gorging "just this once." I stared at the candy bars in the checkout line. When I stopped by the gas station to buy a bag of ice I gazed longingly at the M&M ice cream sandwich on the next shelf. As I passed McDonald's on the way home, I could TASTE a hot fudge sundae, extra hot fudge. As I write this, I would give my big toe for ANYTHING cake-like and chocolate-y with creamy chocolate frosting, like Linda's Fudge Cake from Cheesecake Factory. Or Ben and Jerry's Phish Food.
But, again, I refrain. I wonder if the temptations are EVER going to let up. I wonder how much longer I can resist.

epiphany

I had an epiphany today. I went to lunch with my friend Liz. She wanted to go to Baja Fresh and I'm always down for some of that yum yum gimme some, so of COURSE I was happy to join her! I debated their various menu choices and decided that mahi tacos were just the thing! They come on soft corn tortillas with cabbage, pico de gallo, avocado and "a zesty avocado sauce." The guy asked me if I wanted the combo with rice and beans and I stopped. No. I didn't. Weird! I knew that the two tacos would be sufficient and would be just the right amount without going overboard. What the hell?! Who AM I!?
I came home and discovered that I made the right decision. By foregoing the rice and beans (of which I would have gotten black beans instead of pinto), I saved myself 460 calories, 77 carbs and 1600 MG's OF SODIUM. Who knew that such an innocent "accompaniment" could be so devastating? (and in case you're curious, the two tacos are 460 calories, 18 grams of fat, 52 carbs and 600 mg's of sodium if you make no modifications, which I didn't.)
I also made another discovery. I don't like soda anymore. It's so bubbly and chemical-y that it just tastes weird. Coke Zero used to be an addiction. Seriously. I LOVED it. If I could have gotten it naked and made love to it, I would have. So, I decided to treat myself and have one. It was kinda gross and after I was done, I could feel the bloat in my belly from the sodium. I still wanted a drink for the car (since it's 115 out today) so I got some unsweetened iced tea instead and added a couple of Equal to it (they don't have Splenda.) It came from one of those tea containers where you can choose what kind of tea you want (raspberry, sweetened black, non sweetened black or sweetened green) and since it wasn't regular brewed tea, it tasted weird. I guess I've gotten so used to water and brewed tea and brewed coffee that I just don't really like anything else.
All this info is a little crazy for me, but it gives me hope. It gives me hope that this time it'll stick, that this time it's really a lifestyle change and that by this time next year, I'll be a whole new me.


and p.s. If you get the Mango Chicken Chipotle Salad, get it without the shell. You'll save 540 calories and 45 grams of fat...)

Dressing Room Hell

Hi my name is Christina and i'm a freaking bad blogger. I get it...

Thank god Muffin Top texted me and told me to get my ass on the ball, so here I am.

Truth of the matter is i've been in some major avoidance. I didn't start my Isegenix Cleanse because I was missing some key parts of the diet (pills, waffer thingies, and was running low on powder for the shakes.) So my mom and I are going to start it next week I think?

On another note i've been stressing like crazy about all 4 interviews I had to do for the Melting Pot the last 2 weeks. (I got the job!) Did that equal healthy eating? No. It equaled not really eating at all. The last two days i've eaten a small bowl of cereal, a little bit of spaghetti and about 12 cups of coffee. Sooooooo not good. On the up side, I have been working out and running.... but today I got a reality check.

My family reunion is this weekend and I look forward to it every year. I have a great time hanging out with my cousins, making fun of some aunts and uncles, and terrorizing the little kids. There is just one thing that always seems to put a damper on the occasion... Pool Time. I absolutely loathe getting in a bathing suit in front of my genetically skinny family. That's just how the women on that side are built.... nothing against them, but memories of fat jokes when I was younger always play in the back of mind when i'm around all of them. I'm not saying i'm fat, but i'm also not a size 2-6 like the rest of them. Once in a while they may tease but I know its not to hurt my feelings. (They may have gotten the skinny gene but I got the tit-y gene.) muah ah ah ah!

So today I went shopping for a bathing suit that I would feel comfortable in and that would be just 'oh-so-flattering' that I could strut around that pool like I was some hot skinny thing too. Right? WROOOONG. This is when I got my wake up call.

I grabbed the suits I thought would best 'suit' me and headed for the dressing room. The thing about brand new Targets is that they have two mirrors in every dressing room, one on the door and one directly opposite on the wall. Putting on the first suit I laughed and tore it right off. The second one I actually liked from the front view.... then looking over my shoulder I caught sight of (god I can't believe i'm saying this) my ass and love handles. I almost thought the wall had fallen down between dressing rooms and I was staring at someone else's not-so-great-looking butt. Then I realized it was MY not-so-great-looking butt!!! (I remember when I worked at Medieval Times and the only thing I did 5-6 days a week was run up and down stairs carrying heavy trays of chicken for 2 hours straight. My favorite game back then was 'Punch My Butt' because when people did It wouldn't jiggle, shake, rattle, or roll. It was a butt formed out of granite and I was damn proud of it.) Now it looks like its fallen down about a foot and just kind of sits there on top of my legs doing absolutely nothing but looking like a literal translation of 'Lazy Ass.'

I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry! The good thing here is that the front view wasn't so bad and I was actually happy that my stomach has flattened out since I started this whole thing. I just didn't realize that my butt was doing the same thing. So now i'm going to start some kind of major butt workout! I'm not sure what it is yet, so if anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

one day at a time

I'm taking this journey one day at a time and day by day, it gets a little bit easier. I crave water instead of soda. I still think about eating the bread at work, but it's easier to refrain. It's easier to take just ONE bite of the gigantic soft chocolate chip cookies we always have laying around work instead of eating half of one. It's easier to get to the gym... as long as I wake up on time.
Today I was supposed to go to yoga with my friend Anna and I didn't wake up until two in the afternoon. Of course it didn't help that my phone was on vibrate so I didn't hear her text OR my alarm and I didn't get to sleep until between 4 and 5...
I know I'm down about five pounds which to me is PATHETIC for all the hard work I've been doing, but I have to stay focused. Plus, when you start working out your body holds onto more water because it's not used to what you're doing so it goes into 'hold' mode (my trainer friend told me that.) I heard that you should weigh yourself two weeks after starting a new diet or exercise plan and then not weigh yourself again for two months after that. Mainly because if you become obsessed with the scale you'll get angry or disappointed if you gain a pound or two of water weight and are more likely to throw in the towel. Makes sense I guess.
I really, really need to do this this time. I feel like "Mouth" from Goonies: "Well this one, this one right here, this is MY dream, MY wish. And I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back." I don't want to look back a year from now and say, "Wow, if I had JUST kept on track, I'd be at my goal by now." I've done that too many times for too many years. 30 is my ME year, so it's time to get back to ME.

prepare, prepare, prepare!

Ok, so I think I'm going to have to get a little more anal retentive about planning my meals ahead of time. There's that old saying, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." So, I've gone through my cupboards and put together meals for the next few days. I'm hoping that it will keep me on track. I'm also hoping it will keep me from spending the money and calories on eating out. This last paycheck suuuuuucked, so I need to cut corners wherever I can and going through what I have in my cupboards should help. Fortunately, I don't have too much crap in there, so that's good.

Here's an example of what i've put together:
saturday:
breakfast: yogurt with berries and fat free muesli, hard boiled eggwhite
snack: pita puffs with hummus
lunch: turkey dog (no bun) , sauteed corn and a plum
snack: protein shake (EAS chocolate with vanilla soymilk)
dinner: blackened tilapia with sliced mango, sweet potato pancake and a salad
snack or "dessert": pluot

sunday:
breakfast: 3 eggwhites scrambled with taco seasoning, morningstar farms veggie sausage patty cut up and put in a low carb tortilla, banana
snack: bean and corn salad (black and kidney beans, corn, tomato and cucumber)
lunch: tomato, cucumber, avocado and vegan cream cheese sandwich on 100% whole wheat sandwich thins, sweet potato hash (sweet potatoes cubed and sauteed with red onion and course salt in a small bit of olive oil)
snack: protein shake
dinner: salad at work
snack or "dessert": honeydew melon

and so on, and so on. So, now you know what I'm eating this weekend and so do I! I already can't wait for it to be tomorrow so I can get it going!

Oh, and for the record, yesterday I fell off the wagon... again. I drank... a lot. And I ate fried stuff. and I drank some more. And I had some 5 layer dip. And a Reese's PB Cup. And... Taco Bell (GASP!) You know how it is at midnight when you've been drinking for 8 hours. You just don't care. So I got a nacho supreme with no ground beef. And a chicken gordita. AND a caramel apple empanada. I felt guilty the whole time, but that guilt was numbed by the "high" I was getting from all the fatty, sugary goodness.
Today I did really well and worked out really hard at the gym, hoping to counteract some of those calories.
It's weird. I'm thinking in terms of calories now. Inputting all that information into SparkPeople has really helped me realize how many calories some stuff has. According to their program, I should be eating between 1400-1700 calories a day. "Behaving myself," I usually hit right around 1525-1575 and I'm shocked at that! Today I was walking around Sprouts (the grocery store) and I looked at stuff and put lots of things back. I look a lot at carbs also because I consume more than I should. It's weird, but hey, to get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done, right?

4 reasons diets fail

Thanks yahoo! nice little kick in the pants...
http://health.yahoo.net/experts/joybauernutrition/4-reasons-diets-fail

the gym/stress connection

Not going into a lot of detail about my day. I went straight from bed to shower to work. Was at work for what felt like forever. We were all bored, so the manager ordered us some snacks. Didn't go overboard, but didn't refrain either. From the snacks OR the cookie in the dessert area.
Long story short: I haven't worked out in two days and my anxiety level was THROUGH THE ROOF. I was SO angry and SO pent up it was unbelievable. And since I was so anxious and so angry, what did I do? Eat. Whatever I wanted. How did I feel? Like crap.
Hmmmm, wonder if there's a connection there....

not so happy 4th of july

Let's just say I'm hoping that I burned off more calories than I consumed today. I wouldn't be surprised if I did because work was INSANE and I ran and ran for hours. I had a good breakfast (lunch, really) of a cucumber tomato sandwich and at work I had some fruit and a chicken and vegetable dish that didn't have a lot of fat in it, so that's good. When they closed the buffet tonight, they let us go crazy because we got our ASSES KICKED. But the real knife in the heart of my day was the Sprinkles cupcake I had when I got home. One of the girls had some extras and she was walking around with the box. I should have said no. Buuut I didn't.
I have to remember this feeling when I do things like that. I have pain in my upper right quadrant, which is weird because I don't have a gallbladder anymore. It's not really pain, just a weird feeling, like my liver is like, "seriously? You want me to process WHAT?"
Water tomorrow. Lots and lots of water...

how is that even possible?

So. I'm trying to figure out how it's even possible that I hit the proper numbers the last couple of days. I entered my information into my SparkPeople nutritional tracker and even with the glass of shiraz and 4 oz of sweet tea vodka I had tonight at my friend's birthday, I didn't go over any of my limits. Oh wait, as I sit here I realize that I forgot to enter that couple of bites of blueberry pie I had... but even then, I still would have only gone over by maybe 100 calories. This ish is bananas! It's amazing what happens when you eat healthy most of the time!
On a side note, I was p.i.s.s.e.d. at work today because I got moved to the patio where I made exactly ZERO dollars. I spent my entire 4 1/2 shift helping the dishwasher, bussing tables, running food, checking for linen, getting ice, rolling silverware, etc. SO DUMB. And I was soooooo frustrated and so bored that I wanted to eat everything in sight. But I didn't. I only had a few bites of blueberry pie. GO ME! *pats self on back*

i need a spanking

I was bad today. Well, not "ziggy piggy" bad, but I definitely overstepped the boundaries a little bit. Breakfast and lunch went OK. I'm starting every day with some lowfat strawberry yogurt with raspberries, blackberries, blueberries and some nonfat blueberry muesli and water. Then I went to the gym and met my friend Elsie at Cheesecake Factory for lunch.
No, CCF is not where the food adultery occurred. I had 6 oz of chicken and a tossed green salad with no croutons with the low calorie mustard vin on the side and green tea. I went to work feeling great and satisfied. We were pretty busy which kept my mind off pulling something from the bread cart, but the Scarlet Letter began to form on my uniform when we closed the buffet.
We don't normally do a buffet, but since it's a busy weekend, they opened the room to take some of the pressure off of the kitchen. It closed at 9:30 and I really wanted some corn with cotija cheese. So, I go into the room to get a scoop of corn and a 3 oz piece of prickly pear BBQ salmon. I could feel the eyes of the desserts on me as I walked across the room. I swear one even whistled. In an attempt to stave off their advances, I tried to make them jealous by making more than just eye contact with a few pieces of fruit. Mmmm, natural sugars.
The banquet chefs were cleaning up, so I was hoping that they would remove these foul temptresses so I couldn't hear their siren's song, but yet they remained. Granted, they are mini versions. I gave myself the "lifestyle" line again and ate a bite of chocolate cheesecake. Ok, two bites. Then I ate the meringue off three lemon meringue "shooters." AAAAAND I got a chocolate mudslide "shooter" as well. AAAAAAND there was a cookie in the room while I was doing my rollups and I had a bite of that (just one, I swear.)
As I was walking to my car, I realized something. I didn't feel good. All that sugar sitting there. Blech. And it wasn't NEARLY as much as I WOULD have consumed before, so I guess that's a win... Until I got home. I began to feel the sugar crash and... well... remember that ice cream I was talking about a couple nights ago? Yeah. Let's just say it's not in my freezer anymore. And I feel like crap. My belly hurts and I'm wondering how freaking late I'm going to be up.
I'm not going to blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-al-co-hol. But I will blame it on my friend "Ginger." Or my Aunt Flo. Or my ride on the crimson wave. You choose. But the reality is I can really only blame my lack of willpower or my sugar addiction or whatever.
This is where I come to the crossroads. Normally, I'd throw in the towel and beat myself up that I failed again and head to Jack in the Box. But this time is different. I'm going to celebrate the fact that I had several "wins" today. 1.) I had a healthy, delicious breakfast. 2.) I went to the gym. 3.) I had a healthy, delicious lunch. 4.) I stopped myself when I could have kept going and going and going with all the sweets leftover from the buffet.
Tomorrow is a new day. A fresh start. And it'll start with a healthy delicious breakfast and hopefully end with the feeling of pride that I was able to turn a blind eye to the mermaids luring me in from the dessert corner of the buffet (which we're having for the next two days... oy.)

What's Will Power? Some dude I've never met.

Hey Christina here!

So something funny happened to me today.... I ate like C.R.A.P. This isn't the funny part though. The funny thing is that 3 people told me that I look good and have lost weight. WTF??One person even said it as I was loading up my heavy duty paper plate with Papa John's pizza and a side of ranch dressing. (Okay that one person was my mom, and she bought the pizza so I had to eat it.)

But what's more important about all of this is the reason why I decided to clear my schedule of health and fitness and filled it in with time slots of carbs instead. I'll tell you why! Its because I know i'm going to start that damn healthy Isagenix Cleanse next Monday taking away everything I enjoy to eating. So, in the meantime, I'm going to eat as much crappy food as I can up until Sunday at 11:59pm, effectively making it harder for my body to detox. Stupid? Absolutely. Does this sort of behavior help? NOOOOOOO

So to make up for the stupid decisions of today I am going to eat like a health nut tomorrow. Also, to kick off the day i'm going running with some of the girls who joined my Facebook women's fitness group. My good friends (this is were I insert fake names to protect their identities) Feather, her husband Tustin, Bennifer, and my Nother are all joining me for a brisk run, walk, and jog around the Fullerton Loop at 8am. I haven't heard from my usual loop partner Jamie (sorry.... I couldn't think of anything that rhymed), but who knows... its still early in the night.

While i'm here, I would like to commend my friend 'Muffin Top' for jumping head first into this challenge with me and to all of you who have made the choice to follow these crazy escapades. I truly appreciate it more than you know! If anybody wants to get involved and get in shape please let me know in a comment below and i'll get you 'into the loop!'

ah, the restaurant industry

Today was the first day at work since I began this journey. It is a hot zone of temptation. There is soda and bread in unlimited supply and a dessert cook, Jose, who I swear is one of Satan's secretaries because he is always offering chocolate. Or cookies. Or whipped cream. Or marshmallows. Or mini M&M's. He's one that likes "meat on the bones" and today you would have thought that I told him his puppy died when I turned down his offer for a piece of broken Hershey's milk chocolate (we have s'mores on our menu, but they require the chocolate bar to be unbroken and the receiving department apparently hasn't gotten the memo, so the broken pieces end up in a dish in the bread station for anyone who cares to indulge.)
We also have a bread cart that, for a carb FIEND, is a one way ticket to Heaven. It has corn bread and epi french rolls and asiago peppercorn breadsticks and breadbowls and slider buns and everything else that somehow manages to stick to my thighs when I just walk past it. The management doesn't mind if we grab a piece of bread real quick to snack on if we're hungry. And who likes just plain bread? We have dips! Katamala olive aioli (mayonnaise based) and poblano pesto (oil based) and ranch and peanut butter and jelly and regular butter and BBQ sauce and marmalade. OH GOD! SOMEBODY STOP ME!!
Despite all this temptation, I learned something about myself today. I had to consciously stop myself. We have a special "feature" menu every month and since today started a new month, we had to taste it. What was the first thing brought into the room? Blueberry pie with vanilla bean ice cream and raw sugar on top. Are you kidding me? I debated because I'm trying to cut out sugar, but then I realized that there is going to be a lifetime of desserts and I need to learn portion control, so I had two bites. And stopped. Whereas normally I'd be the one polishing it off. I had two bites of the corn puree and two bites of the red tomato gazpacho. A MIRACLE in my world.
Throughout the night, I had to stop myself for reaching for a piece of bread, or a piece of chocolate, or a swig of soda. All these things I literally went for subconsciously. Got ready to pick it up and pop it in my mouth. I stopped and debated and had an "a ha!" moment where I realized just HOW much snacking I do!
I went out after work with one of the girls. It was her 6 year anniversary and her boyfriend was at home asleep because he has to be awake early. We went to Zen32, which is a local sushi place with reverse happy hour. DILEMMA! Cocktail or no cocktail? Sushi or no sushi? So, once again choosing lifestyle change, I had ONE drink (well rum and diet) and a hand roll (that i ate around the rice) and a few more pieces of crab and shrimp and what not. I DID give in and have two spicy crab wontons, but I just ate the middle and left the crispy triangled ends.
Overall, it was a good day and I feel pretty good about the choices I made. Granted, according to my SparkPeople daily nutrition breakdown I had too many carbs, but I'll stay away from them tomorrow.
Honestly, I highly recommend using one of those sites to track your caloric intake. You'll be shocked. SHOCKED.

Welcome Kit

I think gyms should offer a Welcome Kit. It would be available to new members or those who haven't been there in six months or more. It would include: a hand towel (to wipe off equipment), a water bottle, a mini stick of deodorant, a magazine, a bottle of advil, and a bullet to bite on for when you get out of bed the next morning. H.o.l.y. c.r.a.p.

Blazing Sun vs Me

Lobster Face here!

It's Christina writing, and today I realized that there is definitely a down side to fitness outdoors... it's called a sunburn. I am as red as the shirt that I am wearing right now and it ain't pretty. Freeze and I headed out on this new patch of trails I found last week and went exploring. Instead of running, we power walked the whole way which kept us in the sun a lot longer than I had planned. It was a really fun trail and offered a lot of different sceneries to look at (ie...hot guy running with his shirt off).

After our hour and a half workout we headed to her pool for some R&R and to catch some more rays. Now just so you all know, Freeze is a very very very tan white girl, who I swear can pass for a blonde and blue eyed pacific islander. I thought I could kick it in the sun as long as her, but judging by my sun smacked complexion that isn't the case. (This is where my need to compete came and bit me in the ass.)

Now that my sob story is out of the way...

Last night I was talking to my friend Ashkan, whom i refer to as Mr. Buff Dude, about the blog and what I was planning. He told me that when most people start a workout routine that they usually plateau around the month mark. This makes total sense to me, but I can honestly say I've only stuck to one type of exercise or diet that lasted me longer than a month. (It was roughly 3 or 4 summers ago when a friend and I would go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY and putz around like we knew what we were doing. I just liked to go and watch this crazy gymnast dude that would do these stretches that would make any girl jealous! Any woman who could bend herself into a pretzel like that would have Noooooo problem finding a date.)

All of that aside, I did realize that after a month we had to "up" and add more numbers to whatever machine we were on, treadmill we were running, or time spent on the big balls. (You know those big balls every gym has that are sometimes used for pilates exercises?) And after about 3 or 4 months we just stopped going. We had effectively burnt (no pun intended) ourselves out and stopped seeing results.

Then I remembered seeing an infomercial about that Insanity workout DVD set. They kept talking about MUSCLE CONFUSION and how you needed to switch up what you were doing every month or so to reap the best results. After a while your muscles will start to become immune (for lack of a better word) to any workout you've done for a long period of time. The problem that my friend and I had was that we were doing the same thing every day! (I would slap my hand to my forehead now, but it is also burnt and would equal pain beyond measure.)

So my plan for the next month is to start confusing the crap out of my muscles! I'm going to cut down on running to only 2 days a week and throw in some weight training with this video that Mr. Buff Dude lent me called 'The Firm.' It doesn't sound as intense as P90X or the Insanity workout, but i've done it a hand full of times and it kicked my butt. Also, next week i'm going to start that Isagenix Cleanse that I've been putting off. We'll see how it goes considering I've done it twice and never made it the whole 9 days.

And on top of all that I'm also going to start an exercise journal. I'll take down my measurements and weight once a week every Sunday and log my exercises every day. (I recommend this for anyone to do because then you can see your results first hand and start to see a progression whether it be good or bad.) I'm also going to get a separate journal and log what I eat every day. When my poor eating habits are staring me in the face its kind of hard to ignore. (There are some great online sites that are free of charge if you're not a pen and paper kind of person. Or if you own the Wii Fit that works great too!)

Now off to put on yet another layer of lotion!

day one- check!

Ok, so I had a pretty good day, I must say! I woke up bound and determined to get back to the gym. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step" and all that motivational crap. I had a weird but good breakfast of sauteed vegetables and turkey hot dog (not REALLY weird since I made "breakfast" at noon...) Started drinking water, built a profile on SparkPeople, did some cleaning... wait.
"What is SparkPeople?" you're probably thinking. It's a free online resource where you can build a profile that includes your fitness goals, plan, motivation, etc. They also have meal and fitness trackers and a HUGE online community. It really helps me out when I SEE what I've been eating and exactly HOW bad things can be for me. Check it out for yourself at www.sparkpeople.com If you find it a little too "fluffy" for you but still like the idea of a meal and fitness tracker, then check out www.fitday.com They're both awesome websites. Fitday is just a little more straightforward while SparkPeople is a little more motivational.
Anyway, I finally got off my fat ass and went back to the gym. It felt sooo incredible to walk in those doors again. I did strength training on my back and calves and 30 minutes of cardio (10 on the elliptical to warm up, then 20 after strength training).
THEN I went in the sauna, which I find ironic considering I LIVE in one! I find saunas to be so soothing and the perfect wind down after a workout. I put a deep conditioner in my hair too, so I was killing two birds with one stone. After the sauna came the cold shower which was, frankly, orgasmic. It literally felt better than some sex I've had.
I finished my venture into the outdoors by going to Trader Joe's and stocking up on a few healthy snacks (hummus and pita, yogurt, etc.) I think I'm going to have to become rather boring in the food department. I heard once that it helps if you have the same meal every day, like always have the same healthy breakfast. Unfortunately I don't think it counts if you decide to have the same lunch on the way to work everyday and it includes a cheeseburger and a large sweet tea...
The rest of my day wasn't so productive and I'm hoping it doesn't reverse the effects of my workout this morning, er, afternoon. I did some cleaning, but that was about it. And finished season 2 of Dexter (which you HAVE to watch! It's more addicting than Little Debbie!) And I admit, when I got home from the gym, I wanted to take a nap. Badly.
Right now as I blog, I'm a tad sore and I would give my RIGHT ARM for the last of the ice cream in the fridge. The devil on my shoulder keeps saying, "Hey, you did great today! Three healthy meals, you worked out, you got the rest of your kitchen detailed. You DESERVE it!" So I'm trying to keep my hands busy by blogging so I don't eat the ice cream. Or gnaw off one of my fingers. My belly is grumbling but I don't know if it's hunger, digestion, gas, pms, or another organ failing because of my lifestyle. I guess I'll drink MORE water, maybe a cup of hot tea and a piece of fruit to curb the sweet craving. Nighttime is always the worst for me...
If you've made it this far, I commend you. I'll try not to bore you with every detail of my life by making my blogs incessantly long. Besides, it'll probably hurt to type once I chew off a knuckle.

"Who the heck are you?"

Who is this "Muffin Top" that dares to write on the blog? I'm sure you'll see I need to be here once you hear my story. Here goes...

Have you ever heard of Gabriel Iglesias? He has a moniker for "heavy" that I've adopted: "fluffy." I'll often say "I'm not fat, I'm fluffy. I'm in shape, round is a shape. What do you like to do with fluffy things? You like to cuddle with them, you like to pet them, they keep you warm. Just like a Cadillac, I'm built for comfort, not for speed. Everyone looks the same in the dark, I'm just softer." When the guests in my restaurant compliment the suggestion I gave them, I'll say, "Fluffy girls know what's good. Don't trust the skinny bitches running around here!"

As far back as I remember, I've been fluffy. In sixth grade, I was petrified of those stupid physical fitness tests. The mile run was my mortal enemy. Who gives a crap how far I can jump or how many pull ups I can do? I would love to blame genetics for my size (I do come from the "average American family," ie, overweight) but I can't. My brother has always been thin. Of course when we would go to Sizzler as a kid, he would fill his plate with 1,000 kinds of fruit and Jell-O and I would fill mine with chicken strips, potato salad and extra chocolate on my ice cream.

In my family, we celebrate with food. We mourn with food. We medicate with food. We babysit with food. We reward with food. We eat when we're bored. We eat when we're happy. We snack before dinner to "tide us over." Seconds were never discouraged if there was some left over. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "If you don't finish your dinner, you won't get any dessert." For my brother, this was fine. He'd leave the extra on his plate (much to my mother's chagrin) whereas I would keep going even if I was full because I wanted that oh so sweet, sugary, creamy, chocolaty goodness.

As I got into my teen years, I became rebellious. My mom and I got into it constantly (90% of it my fault). The only place I could think to turn was food. It became my happy place. Angry? Have four Oreos and milk and you'll feel better. Pissed off because you got a bad grade on a test? Fritos and bean dip will do the trick.

Don't even get me started once I got my first job and my first car! I've always worked in restaurants where there is an endless supply of extras, mistakes, leftovers, etc. I worked at Burger King for like six months. During your shift, you got a free small fry and free soda. If there "happened" to be an extra Whopper leftover...

The ramifications for my "drive thru diet" and constant restaurant food presence (not to mention a SERIOUS Dr. Pepper addiction) first reared its ugly head when I was 20. I woke up at 7 am the morning after a Jack in the Box binge with searing pain in my side. It was gallbladder disease. An ultrasound showed that I had major stones and needed surgery ASAP. Only I had no insurance. So, I had to go back to school so I could get back on my dad's insurance. While I was waiting for all the paperwork to go through, I literally COULD NOT EAT more than 30 grams of fat a day for a YEAR. That meant a year without fries, burgers, chicken strips and a year full of teriyaki chicken bowls, white fish, salads, grilled chicken and fruit. The several times I broke that rule, I had SEARING WHITE HOT PAIN in my stomach and on several occasions the pain was so severe that I threw up. According to my mom, the pain I experienced during those episodes is equivalent or worse than childbirth. It hurts THAT BAD.

I still drank Dr. Pepper (since the gallbladder is affected by fat and not sugar), ate sorbet and didn't work out but I lost 85 pounds and fit into a size 14 jean for the first time since the beginning of high school. It felt awesome. So what did I do once my body was healed? Celebrated. With Jack in the Box. I had come full circle. But of course, I decided that subconsciously sugar was OK because hey, I had lost weight while still drinking Dr. Pepper, right?

Since then it's been an endless cycle of drive thru abuse, eating at work (did I mention I worked at The CHEESECAKE Factory for 6 years?) and procrastinating my way out of working out. I joined gyms several times, would be going strong for a week, and then would have a bad day and drown my sorrows in some Phish Food (Ben & Jerry's). Then I would feel so guilty for giving into my craving that I would feel like a failure and "it's already blown anyway," and go into it again.

I'm sure you're all thinking, "Just put the fork down. Don't buy the ice cream at the store. Drive PAST McDonald's, not THROUGH McDonald's. A cheeseburger never solved anything." If those are your thoughts, you don't understand. Just like a heroin addict or an alcoholic are constantly looking for their next fix, it's the same feeling for me. When I'm eating, I'm happy. I'm content. My problems are on hold. And once I'm done, I'm looking forward to my next "fix." The difference is, you don't need alcohol or heroin to survive. You need food. Walk into an AA meeting and tell them that they HAVE to drink JUST ONE BEER everyday and see what happens.

Einstein (I think) defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I have to break the cycle of insanity. Here are the challenges I face:

*Clinical depression and an anxiety disorder for which I am currently on medication.

*A serious, serious sugar addiction.

*A foot that is in a lot of pain due to a steel door kicking incident two years ago that was never given a chance to heal properly.

*A gift to be able to find ANY EXCUSE UNDER THE SUN to not go to the gym. Here are some of my favorites:

"It's too hot to drive there."

"I haven't had any water yet so I'm going to dehydrate."

"I haven't had breakfast yet so I won't have any energy once I'm there."

"I just ate. I'll get a cramp."

"I have to wash my work uniform."

"I want to see if anyone comments on my facebook page."

"Just ONE MORE episode of Golden Girls and I'll go."

"I'm going to have to get gas on the way there and I'm short on cash."

"I HAVE to scrub my shower doors."

"I can't find my Ipod headphones."

"If I work out now, I won't have any energy for work."

Here's my plan. Christina has challenged us to take on the various gimmicks every six weeks and test the results. Because of the challenges I face and since I have so far to go (80-90 pounds), I need a baseline of my behavior, moods and habits.

I plan on doing what doctors recommend: eat right and exercise. I asked my doctor what "eat right" was and he said "low carb, low calorie and low fat." Not just ONE, but all three. Doctors recommend a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day, five days a week so that will be the minimum I include. They also recommend strength exercises (weights) to build muscle and therefore increase metabolism.

Disclaimer: I already have a gym membership and I have already been trained on the use of free weights and machines at the gym. If you're not, I highly recommend either a personal trainer or learning from a friend how to use the equipment. The staff at gyms are generally friendly and would rather show you how to use something correctly then risk you hurting yourself. Gyms typically have a variety of activities, classes and resources (like pools, spas and saunas) that you may not otherwise have access to. You can also check your local recreation center as LOTS of times they'll have gyms in them that don't require a downpayment or a contract, you simply pay month to month.

My goal is to blog honestly about how I'm doing. How I'm feeling. The challenges I'm facing. What I'm hoping to see is a decrease in anxiety and stress. I'm hoping to break the sugar addiction. I did it once (for a month) and I can do it again. After six weeks, I'll try something new, whether it be a new workout like hot yoga or the Insanity workout or whatever. My goal is to be honest. Not for me, but for you. Because I want you to see the journey. I'm not an informercial that's going to give you the "before" and "after." I'm going to show you how it's done. But I have to show myself that I can do it first.

I'm back! June 29th, 2010.... Judgement Day

Ya ya ya I know what you're thinking... "This chick said that she was going to blog every damn day about fitness and health and look! She hasn't been on here since May!"

Well there is a lesson to be learned here: What doesn't work is committing to something you're not committed to. Duh

The truth is i've been blogging... however it's been in my head. Every time i've stepped out to exercise or talked to a friend about it i've been thinking about all of the great material I have to write about. But when it comes down to it and I get home, I find something to distract myself with (ie... playing on facebook, watching TV, reading lame teeny bopper books). Does this also translate to health and exercise? YES! Do I always find something to distract me from going and working out or eating healthy foods? ABSOLUTELY!!!! No coincidence that there is some correlation there. *Slaps hand to forehead*

So in order to keep myself in check when it comes to this goal of blogging every day I decided to tell EVERYONE about it. Yes... EVERYONE! So if I stop i'll hear it from at least 50 people and let's face it, being bitched out by 50+ people is something I would like to avoid. So in order to get mass media out on this thing I started a Facebook group called Women's Fitness Trail Club. I invited all of my friends in the area so that way I wouldn't be doing this alone. Good plan? We'll see how many of them step up to the challenge.

Alright, lets get started: Today I went to meet Friend S at the Brea Loop like I usually do about 2 times a week. The clouds over head did not look promising so I decided to start knowing that she would probably catch up to me. While I was in the parking lot my friend Freeze drives up! I haven't seen her in a while and it was a surprise to see her there on our old stomping ground. (Last summer her and I would go on these awesome biking and running adventures that had taken us into some pretty weird areas. If I can find the videos i'll post them.)

Freeze and I start off together at a brisk walk which eventually (because of my competitive nature) turned into a run. I run better when i'm running to catch up to someone, or i'm running to stay ahead. This is something I know works for me because coming in second place is not an option. I know its not a race, but whatever.

For the first time, (in god knows how long) I actually passed the point I usually stop running and start doing this pathetic looking power walk. Was it to push myself harder or was it to get as far ahead in 1st place as I could? Both. I was so proud of myself that I actually did my little butt shaking dance. However, that only continued for about 10 seconds before I realized that some guy and his retriever were staring.

As for healthy eating its not going so good. As I sit here and blog i've had about 2 cups of coffee with that very good, but O so bad for you french vanilla creamer. I've been wanting to start that Isagenix cleanse but keep coming up with some lame excuse about why I can't. "Oh there's a wedding this weekend," and "Oh there is 'so and so's' BBQ and their feelings will get hurt if I don't eat the food", AAAND "ooooooh 4th of July weekend is coming up and I can't do it then because of the fireworks." Are any of these viable excuses? I think the one about the fireworks is. I'm sure no one else would agree though.

So on to friends I have on board for this insane project:

My dear friend M will be guest writing on this blog. I trust her implicitly to give everyone all of the funniest details imaginable when it comes to weight loss, gain, and general health issues.

More friends will be joining soon I just need to get committed to calling them.

May 13th, 2010

So.... where to start?

The reason i've decided to start this little venture is two fold. 1) To keep myself in check when it comes to dieting and weight loss 2) and to share what i've learned through out this process with other people out there just like me.

The experiment: To find out what works and what doesn't work when it comes to getting down to my goal weight. I'm going to try all of the fad diets, the craziest workouts, and even visualization to see what is the most effective. Since i'm only one person and not totally insane, some of my friends have agreed to join in the festivities as well.

How many people can really honestly look at themselves naked in a mirror and not find something they don't like, something they wish could be different, or love handles they wish weren't there? How many people joined a gym and stopped going after 2 weeks? How many people made a New Years resolution and it only lasted 2 days or until the next beer? How many people vowed to eat healthier and find themselves in a McDonald's drive thru 5 minutes later? How many people order an appetizer, a pasta dinner, a chocolate Oreo cheesecake and a Diet Coke?! HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVEN'T FINISHED ANY DIET OR EXERCISE THEY HAVE EVER STARTED?!?!?!

I know i've been guilty of the infamous phrase "I'll start on Monday." Everybody has probably said this at some point regarding something. But why is it that we would choose to keep putting off something that will eventually in the long run make us happy about the way we look and feel about ourselves?

Today is Thursday and it's almost over because I procrastinated and used the excuse of "I had a long day at work so I don't feel like working out." This kind of attitude also doesn't work. However on the plus side I FINALLY got in my first post and vow to post every day until I get to the bottom of why we do those silly things we do.