My 14 Year Old Skirt

Oh October how I love thee... Let me count the ways...

1) Friend's Bachelorette Party
2) Knott's Scary Farm
3) Annual Halloween Party
4) Slow Time At Work....

Now let me count the ways I hate you...

1) Too much wine, food, and vodka at bachelorette party
2) Too much vodka, food, and candy at Scary Farm
3) Too much rum, chips, and cupcakes at Halloween Party
4) Too much sitting on my ass catching up on re-runs of House


This is without a doubt my favorite month of the year. There is so much do with little time for things like ummm... let me see... DIETING AND EXERCISING! I haven't put on my running shoes in over a month. I only eat salads at work because I got sick of snacking on the chips. And I haven't blogged in so long it took me 15 minutes to remember my password to this account! What the hell?!

So what do I do? I start riding Muffin Top's ass asking her why she hasn't blogged in forever. Deflection on my part? ABSOLUTELY! So I am here to write about a small triumph on my part that I realized this past week...

Every year I wear the same costumes depending on which ones I fit in at the time: Slutty Nurse, Slutty Devil, or Good or Slutty School Girl (depends on where i'm going). The costume i'm focusing on is the School Girl... it is my actual school skirt from high school. That's right! I can still fit into that damn thing year after year. However, year after year there is always some sort of variation. There is a zipper and a button on the side of it, and depending on how much I weigh at the moment that zipper may be all the way up or flying at half mast. Most years I can cleverly hide when its half way down by throwing on a sweater vest that hangs low on my hips with a white button up underneath. This year however was the first time that zipper went all the way up AAAAAAAND I got the button done too! WHAT?!?! Granted it was pretty damn tight and I had to hike the damn skirt all the way to just under my ribs, but still! I was shocked! SHOCKED!

I was so pleased with myself until I realized one thing (thanks to a smarmy co-worker of mine). Seeing as how I had to hike the skirt up so much to get that button done, I had effectively made the skirt short as hell! I remember in high school when that plaid fabric would hang off of my hips and it fit like a dream. (Well as dreamy as a plaid skirt can get.) DAMNIT! WHY GOD WHY???!!! Just when I thought I was only 10 pounds from reaching the weight I was in high school I have now realized that now I really have to work double time to tone up that mid section. UGH!!!

So now that we are in the month of November I have to worry about looking good in my friends wedding photos, award dinner photos, and family Thanksgiving photos! So thanks October for the vodka and food binge... i'm glad we are parting ways for the time being...This girl has to go find her running shoes.


Definitely a "Half Mast" year... circa 2007