It seems to be working

Well, I've been eating healthy and juicing for about a week and a half and it seems to be working. If my scale is anywhere near my doctor's, I've lost 10 pounds so far! This morning, I had lost three inches off my belly and I didn't have to wear a sweater over my shirt because it hung down enough! Fuck yeah!
Tomorrow I'm going in for an MRI and I'm really nervous about it. I'm trying to channel my anxiety into something productive (like this blog....) instead of eating. I don't think I'm going to talk about food and what I would like to do to it right now because then I'll keep thinking about it and then eventually do it.
Maybe I'll make some crab salad. I have imitation crab, plain yogurt and green onions and seasonings, so i don't need any ingredients. I think I have some chicken in there as well to make chicken salad. If use plain yogurt as well as some vegenaise, it'll be a lot healthier. As long as I have onion powder and garlic salt, it'll be good. :)

Cheater cheater burger eater!

Yup, I said it. I'm on day 3 and today I ate a cheeseburger. A junior cheeseburger from Wendy's on their 99¢ menu. It was 350 calories of GLORIOUSNESS with 19 grams of fat and worth every one of those 27 carbs. As was the junior frosty that came free with the keytag. Mmmmm. Froooooostyyyy.
Other than my insane craving, I've been doing pretty good. Our fridge is full of spinach, apples, carrots, grapes, oranges, tomatoes, cucumber, lettuce, etc... At work, I've been eating salads with balsalmic vinegar and last night for dinner i had a baked potato.
I still get really hungry at times; I don't think I'm drinking enough water, which is ironic because I've been peeing like a racehorse. I've been sleeping really well... almost TOO well. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning because I'm so freaking comfortable.
I'm just hoping that I'll get some damn energy so I can get off my ass and start working out here pretty soon, because I haven't lost a fucking pound or an inch so far....

Ugh! I haven't reached my goal in 3 days!! I should quit!

I'M SO HUNGRY!!!

Ugh, day one of juicing.
I'm freaking starving. You know how people will say, "Oh, the first couple days are the hardest, it gets better?" Well, I want to cut them with a machete, pour salt on it and then say, "Oh, the first couple of days are the hardest. It'll get better." Even Joe, the guy from "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" said, "The first couple of days are the worst. You don't want to be around people, you don't want to be around food."
For the first few days, I'll be juicing as well as eating mostly plant based foods. Breakfast was a juice made from: kale, spinach, cucumber, an apple, and some grapes (I think.... sounds about right....) For lunch and a snack, I took a couple of mason jars with: kale, spinach, carrot, celery, an orange, a lime, an apple and a couple of small radishes.
Breakfast wasn't too bad. Had a hint of sweetness and I really like cucumber, so it was refreshing. The other one is a TOTALLY different story. I have discovered I'm REALLY not a fan of celery. I put two stalks in with my juice and it was completely overpowering... and gross. Well, I thought so. I managed to have one and gave the other to my coworker Kara.
I also had a banana, a salad for lunch, some fruit and came home and had a tomato cucumber salad with a couple of imitation crab sticks.
Did I mention I'M SO HUNGRY! And I'm so tired. My brain is gone and I'm pretty sure I'm not making any sense at the moment.....

Tomorrow

Ugh, tomorrow starts the juice fast. I have a fridge full of apples, oranges, carrots, celery, kale, radishes, cucumbers, tomatoes, pineapple, grapes, spinach and oranges. I've eaten my last western bacon cheeseburger with zucchini and drank my last bottle of champagne for awhile (well, almost... i'm on the last glass right now...)
At this point, I'm nervous, excited and trying not to be hungry just thinking about it. But I'm also looking forward to feeling better. They say that 30% of your body's energy goes to digesting, so since I'm taking some of the work out of it, hopefully it will work in y favor to get my fat ass out of bed and start DOING something.

That's it. My body hates me

I'm convinced that there is a war room in my body somewhere. It's a dark, humid place where all of the worst parts of me congregate. My sugar addiction picks up my anxiety on the way to the gluten intolerance's house where they all cram into my bloodstream to ride their way into my brain. When they get there, I picture the conversation going something like this:
Brain: "Ok, bitches! Let's call this meeting to order! How can we fuck her up now?"
Sugar addiction: "Cravings! Lots and lots of cravings! Cravings EVERYWHERE!"
Brain: "Good! What should we make her crave?"
Gluten intolerance: "I know! I've been lonely! How about we get together with the carb loaders? Mmmm, flour tortillas and white buns. Yummy!"
Anxiety: "I like that idea. It'll give me some action too!"
Brain: "These are all great suggestions, but we've tried them all. She's still just a stubborn bitch who just does what she wants until she can't. Remember when we threw all those stones into the gallbladder so she had to take it out? But she didn't have insurance so she had to wait like a year? That was awesome! We need something like that!"
Well, they've figured it out. My jaw is now screwed. I started going to the chiropractor because I was having really bad tension headaches. With the job I have now, I sit most of the day and my neck has been moving forward and getting gradually worse. So, I went to get it fixed. Unfortunately, during the treatment for my neck, it jacked up my jaw even worse. I've always had problems with it (popping, etc.) but it never got in my way. Now, it's so bad that I can't chew.

Hold up girl! Did you just say you can't chew???

Yes, I can't chew. The only teeth that will go together are my front teeth. I can't open my mouth very wide and if I can't swallow it or mash it with my tongue, I can't eat it (get your minds out of the gutter! This is a serious issue!) So, I've been drinking a lot of smoothies and eating soft food and if I do make the valiant attempt to eat somewhat solid food, it takes me 9x as long. My hair and nails look like absolute crap and I know i'm not getting enough nutrition. Plus on top of that, I went off my antidepressants 2-3 weeks ago (I went on them a few years ago when two of my grandparents were dying and there was a lot of transition going on in my life and I don't want to be on them forever,) so that combined with this, I'm all jacked up. All of this combined with it taking FOREVER to close on our house has turned me into a big stress and anxiety ball.
I know you're thinking, "Ok, we get it, Muffin Top. What the f--- does this have to do with this blog?" I watched a documentary called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" a few months ago and the idea of juicing has stuck with me ever since. The boyfriend (we'll call him Vlad) and I have talked about getting a juicer for awhile. Now with all of my jaw issues, it seems to be a more pressing issue. But I wanted him to do it with me and, let me tell you, he is 100% man and he has the stubborn streak to go with it. Well, last night, I was FINALLY able to convince him to watch this documentary with me. At first he was like, "Yeah, whatever. I'll watch it because you want me to watch it." I shit you not, we were less than an hour into it before he started researching juicers on his phone!

Some of the benefits of juicing are:
*Detoxified liver (and the good Lord knows I've given mine a beating)
*Healthy skin, hair and nails
*More energy
*Improved brain function
*Improved heart function
*Slowing down the aging process
*Improved joint function – helping with arthritis
*Less disease-prone body environment. Acidic environments breed diseases.
*Better digestion
and of course WEIGHT LOSS!

So, since the purpose of this blog is to try out various diets and report their findings, that's what I'm doing. We should have our juicer hopefully sometime this week and I'll let you know how it's going What I'm really hoping to get out of the whole thing is: a clearer mind, less pounds, more energy, stronger hair and nails, and reduced cravings for sweets and breads and salty food.

Damn, now I want pizza.

Why Weight Till Monday? ™: Is It Wrong To Lose Weight For A Man?

Why Weight Till Monday? ™: Is It Wrong To Lose Weight For A Man?:     We may have all said this to our friends and ourselves at some point "I don't need to lose weight for anyone but myself!"  However what ...

Is It Wrong To Lose Weight For A Man?

    We may have all said this to our friends and ourselves at some point "I don't need to lose weight for anyone but myself!"  However what we really might be thinking is 'That hot guy i've had my eyes on forever would never date a girl that looks like me! I need to lose weight so he might look in my direction... *sigh*'

  I wanted to weigh in on what women these days are really losing weight for... Is it because of media stereotypes on what we should look like?  Is it because we want to feel better about how we look for ourselves or for other people?  Or is it just because we're told that its good to diet and exercise?

  Last night I posted that I needed a hot male to come over and cook me dinner with his shirt off.  I was totally joking of course but I was actually surprised that that led to a 2 hour long messaging session with one of the hottest guys i've ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on!  He's a personal trainer, actor, and model... *sigh* I haven't seen him in years and I caught myself thinking 'If he only knew what I looked like now he would sooooo not be interested!'  And because I know that he's a personal trainer I was completely candid about ummm fat concerns.

  He said not only would we have dinner but that he would take me for a ride on his motorcycle... Thank god this was just a Facebook chat because I laughed so hard at the thought of me getting on that bike and tipping it over!!!  The funny thing was that I totally told him this and he just laughed. (What a good sport)...  When it came down to picking the date for our date I told him to call me in a couple of weeks... he asked why, and I told him that my reason for the long delay was so that way i could drop a few pounds! LMAO! (or at least hide them with one of those fad diets I hate... you drop 10 pounds in two weeks, and the minute you stop the diet those pounds come flying back at you like metal to a magnet!)

  You might be thinking to yourself 'I would never say those kinds of things to a guy!'... well and if anyone knows me, they know I have no shame and complete candor in these kinds of situations...

  Back to my original topic... Is it wrong to WANT to lose weight for someone else?  I think 'no'... and my reason for this is that YOU are the one losing the weight to get what YOU want.  Plain and simple... so it is really about YOU!  So what if your flimsy excuse for it is a man, or that dress you've always wanted, or that 3 months of summer that we all hate because we know it means we have to bear more skin... who cares!?!?  If its those things that drive you, then I say DO IT!

New Year Resolution Fail

(Why the hell has this blog been so hard to start!  I've literally had this screen on my laptop for 3 days now, not knowing how I should begin...)

   For those of you who have read a couple of the blogs you would know that I harp on procrastination pretty hard, and that it seems to be a central theme a lot of the time.  So just to make my life a little bit harder this year I made a resolution that actually scared the size 10-12 pants off of me.  This year I will not procrastinate.  (It causes physical pain to even say it.)  However, I did give myself a little bit of a loop hole.  I (not surprisingly) set this goal with more a financial, business, get my life in order, career wise kind of theme.  Working out and eating healthy was sooooo not even a thought that crossed my mind.  That, in my book, is not good, because it comes with the thought process of having given up.

  Now in all respect I have shed 10 pounds in the last 2 months and I have no idea how... Its not like I did anything different other than stressing about things that were going on in my life.  However, now that I sit here with a normal amount of life stress I see myself falling back into the routine of "I lost 10 pounds and now its time to put it back on by making excuses as to why I can go get a hamburger and fries instead of making a salad."  Does anyone else ever do this?  You shed 2 pounds then shove a Chalupa in your face?  I am a frequent offender of this thought process and pay for it every time I step on my scale and see that number soar to high heights!  And believe me, Sucking in your stomach does not make that number go down.  Nor does holding up you boobs... because if you're like me, I believe those girls should not count to my total weight. 

  Towards the end of December a thought hit me...why do we constantly set resolutions, knowing that from past experience 99% of the time we fail to complete them?  Is there a way to set a resolution at the beginning of the year that has some fool proof method?  This thought intrigued me so I did some research on the matter.

  What I found is that you have to 1) Set a goal 2) Ask yourself whether or not its measurable and attainable 3) Take it one small bite at a time.

  Number 3 is key to resolution setting success.  We often set a goal and just focus on it as a whole, therefore becoming overwhealmed by it and eventually quit.  Now when I say 'one small bite at a time', i'm not talking about that chocolate cake at your friends birthday party or those pink frosted Valentine's day cupcakes that are sure to make their way into our kitchens at some point. I'm talking about setting small goals with a time limit within the 'Big Picture Goal.'  Example.. (we'll use mine) I have until the end of February to get my business license and open a bank account under that name.  I have until the end of March to get my Website up and running.  When I set these smaller goals, getting my life in order financially doesn't seem like a such a tall order!  Doing this with physical goals is just as easy...

  Once I established that I had essentially not given my weight loss a second thought at the beginning of the year, I set a goal around it.  By the end of January I have to have completed 6 workouts using my brand spanking new copy of Jillian Michaels Ab Workout DVD, and have run at least twice.  It may not seem like a lot to most people, but knowing what my failure rate has been in the past, this is a good start.  Next month i'll up the ante a little bit by throwing in shopping twice a week at Fresh & Easy and Trader Joe's for organic whole foods, therefore, lowering the amount of time I find myself at Taco Bell ordering that damn #9 with a laughable Diet Pepsi.

  Next blog i'll go into more detail about products you can use to help facilitate your goals.  I also want to start doing more videos demonstrating workout DVDs, diets, and excercises so you the reader can make the best decision on what works for you.  And yes, I promise from now on the blogs will be far more entertaining and humorous!

Happy Dieting!