Today is my binge and it's pizza and beer and Magnum double chocolate bars. Tomorrow, I have no choice but to dive head first into this process. I'm at an all time high. At my doctor I weighed in at 306.8 pounds.
What. The. Fuck.
For those who don't know, I got to the semi-finals for Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition. But, I obviously didn't get on the show. During the casting process, you have to do all sorts of leg work and surveys and pictures and a video. This forces you to look at yourself. REALLY look at yourself. THIS is what you see:
I repeat.
What. The. Fuck.
Guess what. I'm embarrassed. I'm horrified. I'm embarrassed to share it with you and I'm embarrassed that I carry this around every day.
I also had to fill out forms and answer questions on how I allowed myself to get to this point. I know I have a sugar addiction and that I'm an emotional eater. I started off pretty strong and started a blog www.formerphoenixfatties.blogspot.com which I will copy this post to. I met a few girls in line and they started off with a bang! They are both down and have been working out and one even got picked to be part of a Joy Bauer heart health challenge.
I started off strong and then petered out, like I always do. The thing I did right was go to the doctor. She is such a great supporter and she wanted to try a few things before getting to the point where I am now, which is medication. I did a sleep study and discovered I have moderate obstructive sleep apnea and have been severely sleep deprived, which hasn't helped. It's caused my dopamine levels to go off all helter skelter and crave sugar for that dopamine rush. It's caused unbalanced levels of ghrelin, the hunger hormone and a shortage of leptin, the hormone that tells you when you're full.
"Just shut up and get to the POINT, you long winded bitch!"
Tomorrow, I start Phentermine. It's the "good" half of phen-fen. It's an appetite suppressant and a stimulant, so it helps burn fat and kills your cravings. To quote the doc, "If your favorite thing in the world is a cupcake, someone can be sitting next to you eating a cupcake and you won't want one."
What. The. Fuck.
But wait, that's not all!! I also get to do an 800-1000 calorie a day diet. In case you were curious what that looks like, it's rabbit food. It's low carb, low calorie, low fat. It's no bread. No pasta. No sugar. No soda. No coffee. You know, all my favorite things. It's a gallon of water minimum a day. It's eggs, spinach and a little parmesan for breakfast every day. It's lean protein and salads. A lot of salads.
I also made an appointment to talk to a therapist. I'm a food addict and an emotional eater and I have some frustrations I don't know how to get out...
So, stay tuned.
After another beer...
