Pilates and F-Bombs

So if you read my last blog you'll know that Bear Fox Trot (good friend...shall remain nameless because i'm scared of how hard she'll punch me) and I are both on the HCG diet and currently on day 9. I'm here to tell you what happened on day 8.

I always knew Ja..uuummm Bear Fox Trot has never been adverse to cursing occasionally.  I'll admit it... I curse in the the heat of moment, if I stub my toe, or if the top scoop from my Cold Stone ice cream cone falls to the floor.  Last night on the other hand BFT was in true form.

The other day when she was over we planned to do something light like Pilates so that way we go from flab to fab.  When you're on this diet it is recommended that you DO NOT do any strenuous exercises. (Besides the boring meals, are you starting to see why I chose this diet?)  Anyways... Our concern is tightening up because with this type of accelerated weight loss you may be thin... but at our age things will start to let gravity take over.  I refuse to be the quintessential cartoon strip of a woman with her boobs resting in the shopping cart where the baby should be.

BFT arrived at my house promptly at 5pm and before I could even utter the words 'Want to just watch TV?', she was already changing for our first workout.  With the coffee table shoved to one side and the barstools stacked, I dusted off my old DVD copy of Winsor Pilates and got down to business.  I let BFK watch the intro because she had never ever done Pilates and needed to learn about her 'Power House' and the right breathing techniques. I guess somewhere in that intro she heard to breathe in slowly through the nose and exhale with a curse.  Let me show you an example of BFK's colorful conversation with my TV.


Skinny Pilates Chick: (While we were laying on the floor) "Slowly raise your legs to a 45 degree angle...  now raise your arms parallel to the floor and lift your head... raise your legs straight up in the air with your toes pointing up to the ceiling...aaand back down to just inches off the floor... now repeat"

(This is all I heard because BFK's colorful language made me see rainbows)

BFK: "Are you F@$#ing kidding me?! F*#% OFF!"  She then rolls over and reenacts something that looked like the mermaid dance from 'Pitch Perfect.'

Skinny Pilates Chick: "Now sit up and curl into a tight ball with your hands hugging your ankles... Now roll back.... aaaaaand roll back up."

BFK: "WTF! I can't get back up!.... F%$# OFF lady!"

ME: Dying from laughing... and trying not to fart as I roll back up.

My dear friend set a new record: DVD-20 min   Bear Fox Trot: 24 F-Bombs

Masks that are totally worth 69 cents.

Let me tell you though.... it didn't end there.  While we were cooling down and waiting for The Bachelorette to start, BFK continued to cuss at every commercial for fast food, sit down restaurants, and anything food related that came on.  I thought the 69 cent vitamin C masks I bought for us would calm her down... nope.  For the next 4 hours the language ensued.  The only time she used cussing for purposes other than yelling at the Olive Garden commercial was when Desiree gave out the final rose.






That's the down side about this diet... you almost feel like another person while you're on it.  You smell cookie boxes at the grocery store, you cuss out food commercials and well meaning fitness ladies, and lick the screen of your phone when a friend posts this on Instagram.

Photo Credit: P Doublin