Yesterday was my official coronation. I got my first crown! Unfortunately (but fortunately?) it's in my mouth. I mean, who would want to wear one of those things on your head? I'm sure they're heavy and awkward with all those jewels and frankly, anyone who even wears a tiara looks like a teenage girl getting ready for prom or her quinceanera.
Have you seen anything about the tongue patch? It's ridiculous. Here's a link to the original article I saw about it. Basically, a plastic surgeon sews a patch to your tongue with sutures that deliberately stuck up so the roof of your mouth gets poked and it's uncomfortable to eat. It's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen, but now, I kinda get it.
Since my teeth are so small (the ONLY place that can be described that way on my body...) the dentist decided to create a gold crown instead of a porcelain one. It's smooth and shiny and I feel like a total badass with it. I don't have any track marks or gunshot wound scars or a fifteen year old to show for making it out of Palmdale alive, so at least now I gots me the beginnings of a 'grill!'
Anyway, getting used to it is a little pain in the ass. It's not a natural tooth and the grooves line up, but it's a little bit bigger than my molar was so I can feel it when I chew which is a deterrent to chew which frankly is a good thing considering if I'm chewing I have food in my mouth and when there is food in my mouth, there's a pretty good chance it's not a vegetable. If I had been born with the same affinity for celery I have for chocolate, I wouldn't be writing this right now.
So, there are a couple of different outcomes I can see from this...
- I ignore it. I keep going on my usual habits and keep being disgusted with myself and I keep saying 'one day I'll get healthy' and then never do.
- I eat soft foods. Except soft foods in my world are ice cream and mashed potatoes and yogurt. All dairy, all fatty (and yet all so damn delicious!)
- I avoid eating except when absolutely necessary. Which is a good thing. The less food, the less calories, the less of me. When I do eat, it's fresh fruit and vegetables and get some of the cravings for the starchy foods get under control.
Because seriously, these things are out of control. A friend of mine is down 100 pounds since June 24th. She is such an incredible inspiration and I am so proud and jealous of her. I want people to be proud and jealous of me!
I'll keep you updated and let you know what happens. And you can figure out how many ways to tell me how proud and jealous you are of me.
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